(c) 2010 Joan M. Newcomb
I've been in a grouchy mood for some time. I could point to various reasons in my storyline, but it's just part of a new period of expansion.
I'm noticing that, although I'm compassionate and understanding with my clients, I'm feeling less tolerant towards other characters in my life show. I'm wanting to tell them to 'suck it up' or 'get off their butt'. Maybe it's because my clients come to me seeking answers and actively wanting to change. The other characters are actively *not* wanting to change. Except that they are *all* characters in my storyline. I as my Expanded Self created and cast every one of them!
If I have really strong feelings about something, then I know I'm wrestling with the illusion. Truth feels clear, certain, serene, amusing, neutral, light, joyful. The illusion feels effortful, bad, uncomfortable, wrong, tragic, sad, depressing. My grouchiness comes from leaning into the illusion.
Rather than getting mad at the illusion, or at the characters in my storyline, or at my storyline, I'm choosing to have my grouchiness and keep doing what I'm doing.
Now anger can be a great cleansing, it can give you energy to move forward, it can release fear or paralysis. If you're feeling powerless, it can empower you to move forward.
I'm not feeling fearful or powerless. I'm very clear that I'm an Infinite Being creating my reality. I'm aware that this is a 'white water/rapids' period of my kayaking trip called Life. I'm choosing not to react as my small self. I'm responding to the creation by doing the next indicated thing. Occasionally I get motivated to try something new, but that's not what's coming up at this moment.
Rather than trying to change, fix or improve the storyline, I'm just seeing how the remainder of the season plays out. Admittedly, I want certain things to change, I'd really like some things to improve. I'd love to go out there and fix it. But this is bigger than just my small self's preferences.
I know that huge transformation is taking place, but on an evolutionary level. It feels excruciatingly slow to some aspects of Me but from a full life perspective it isn't.
Everyone I talk to is undergoing a similar growth experience, but all are reacting differently. Many are in great pain. Many are angry. Many are frightened. Some are running around trying their darnedest to get a new job, a new relationship, more money, or whatever they thing will make them feel better. Some are sitting on their hands, waiting for others to make changes for them. And others are breaking out of the crowd doing different and creative things.
The last group are people responding as their Expanded Selves. They're taking the risk, motivated not from fear or frustration but from the prompting by their Inner Being. They're feeling joyful even as they seem to be losing everything or mystifying their coworkers, friends and family.
We are all being called to be in integrity with our inner Truth and in alignment with our Large Self. If any action is to be taken at this time, it's turning inward and getting to know what our True Self is, and responding when we feel that connection.
Try this for a week and see what happens!