(c)2010 by Joan M. Newcomb
I've been visiting my mother for the last 2 1/2 weeks, and it's been an interesting opportunity for me to use all my tools in my spiritual 'toolkit'. She's 84 years old and very resistant to change
Coming to see her is like stepping into the past. She's been in the same rental townhouse since 1987. Most of the technology here is from that era. The kitchen phone has a long cord attached to the wall. We recently got her voicemail but she doesn't use it. She does have cable but the remote consistently confounds her. She drives the same Chevy Nova that she bought the year she moved here. It's ceiling is now held up with packing tape and the air conditioning stopped working a couple years ago.
When I first started coming to see her regularly, I slowed down to match her pace. As her aging process progressed, I wanted to create change and actively tried to shift the energy in the house, as well as encourage her to move to a retirement community. I also spent a lot of time decluttering, sorting through years of accumulated junk mail mixed with important papers.
The retirement ideas were stonewalled and the junk mail/paper piles regrew themselves like sourdough starter. The only change that I've seen from my energy work is that her macular degeneration has stopped (according to her doctor) and her balance is better (she no longer falls over, but she's using a cane more often). An affect I seem to have on her in the mornings is that she mentions feeling like she's had too much coffee (she only drinks decaf). I think it's because I run at a higher vibratory level.
This time I showed up with the intention to be respond to the present moment. Not much happened the first week, other than my recovering from jet lag and trying to maintain my work schedule. I observed, I noticed, and have responded to what I've seen. I've worked on not being reactive, because that muddies my perception and doesn't really help anything.
It occurred to me that there isn't any moving her from this house any time soon, so the best thing is to get her help to maintain her quality of life. Light housekeeping, occasional errands, perhaps regular walks. She's talked about getting a cleaning lady and someone to drive her places for years but has never taken action.
Realizing it was never going to happen unless I did something, I researched elder care services and made appointments with 3 of them. She got really furious with me for about 5 minutes. And now she's adjusting to the idea. Probably because I keep emphasizing that this is about her maintaining her independence.
I have no idea how this is all going to unfold. Although I want to have someone hired before I leave next week, it may not happen. I've had to continually let go of my agenda, as well as 'trying' to create change in her life.
Sometimes change happens suddenly and sometimes it's evolutionary. Not everything has to be in the present moment, and not everything needs to be comfortable. Progress not perfection, as the saying goes. Shift happens whether you want it to or not, and it's all about going with the flow of what 'is'.
I usually end my articles with suggestions, what you can do for the next 7 days. In this case I can only share what *I'm* going to do, which is be in the present moment. Respond to what is. Stay an energetic 'half step above' (which helps with staying neutral). Discern what I can change and what I cannot. Let go of my expectations, let go of effort, let go.
And I'll see what happens when I do!