A while ago I learned that sometimes abusive behavior comes out of depression. That is, the person who rages at you might actually be depressed (so much for thinking that depression is *repressed* anger).
That's great. I mean, it's great to understand the reason, but it's not an excuse. Understanding the reason for a behavior gives you the opportunity to remedy it. Take steps to address it but it doesn't let you off the hook for having done it.
Reasons give you clarity, so you can take action. Excuses are what you make to stay stuck.
Say you had a crappy history, that's great fertilizer for growth. Understanding about dysfunctional patterns allows you to become conscious of behaviors so you can change them. You're no longer a child, you may just feel like one when you get triggered. Help is available, both visible and unseen.
You can't change the past, you can't change others, and you can change yourself, your actions and your viewpoint.
Your inner child really wants You, the wise Essence of who you really are, to drive the car. If you're triggered, ground yourself in present time reality by talking (kindly and gently) to your child self, let them be in the safety seat behind You.
You can succeed in going where You want to go, in spite of your history, in spite of others out there still playing out old patterns.
Each one of us that stands in the present moment, breaking the pattern by choosing differently, creates healing for everyone.
Changing yourself creates change everywhere.
[When searching for an illustration for today, I found this instead, perhaps more fitting?]