Friday, September 10, 2021
Monday, September 6, 2021
Saturday, September 4, 2021
Grief and Loss ©2021 Joan M. Newcomb, CPC
When I entered my sixties, I realized, in order to live a long time that I'd have to get used to grief and loss. Amongst other things.
Not that I hadn't had plenty of experience with grief and loss in the preceding sixty years.
However in recent years there's been some wrenching losses, individually and collectively. How I've handled it in the past is to compartmentalize it. I usually go into action mode, "fight" more than "flight".
I can grieve later, I decide at the time.
There's a practical reality to this, as usually there's no one else to rely on or pick up the pieces. I don't feel I have the "luxury" to collapse in grief. As I write this, I realize that grieving isn't a sign of weakness, and it doesn't have to bring collapse. I can grieve and I can be in action at the same time.
The part of me that is grieving is the part of me that perceives loss. It's the part of me that wants security and stability, and believes those things are in relationships, and material things like a roof over one's head.
It's the part of me that isn't going to make it out of this lifetime alive, so views everything in very black and white terms.
As Consciousness, I don't feel grief nor loss, because I know I am always connected with my loved ones, whether they're in physical form or not. As I write this, I also realize I'm always connected with loved ones not yet in physical form as well. Which delights me.
As Consciousness, I don't need a location for security, as I'm creating all of this in the moment. I don't need security, either. Security doesn't make sense to one that is infinite, All that Is, creating all things.
However, also as Consciousness I've created this form, my body/personality, and am aware of it's needs and desires.
When I live life *as* Consciousness with a physical form and personality, it doesn't mean marching forwards as if its needs don't matter. That's like riding a horse and neglecting to give it water, abandoning at night when wolves howl.
As Consciousness, life means experiencing every delicious and difficult aspect of being in physical form. It actually doesn't mean marching forwards towards anything. That is a body level kind of measurement.
Also just realized that living "a long time" is also a body level measurement. Of course bodies want to live as long as possible.
Being in the present moment, is as close to feeling the infiniteness of Consciousness as you can feel.
As a collective, we've been through an enormous amount of grief and loss in the last year or two. We've been experiencing an accelerated shift in Consciousness that heightens our awareness but also our empathy with others. This magnifies grief and loss as we're not just feeling our own emotions.
We're also losing everything we thought was real, but actually was just egoic levels of importance. That's not to invalidate people who lost loved ones during the pandemic. People have transitioned to nonphysical in increasing numbers during this time. That's been hard to handle, we miss their physical presence and the prevalent "noise" makes it difficult to connect with them Spirit to Spirit. They're still there but it's like a bad cell phone connection - easier to talk to but harder to hear.
Evolving to a new level means letting go of what was familiar, and we may fight it even if what was familiar wasn't comfortable. We might be so used to being in pain and unhappy, we're resisting taking steps that would improve our lives or expand our quality of living.
When I'm in that place (and I kinda sorta in that place right now in certain areas), I don't need to immediately leap to being perfectly pain free and joyously happy all the time. Although as Consciousness, I can easily do so. For my body's sake, I can take baby steps to change.
Friday, August 27, 2021
Making Friends With Laziness ©2021 Joan M. Newcomb, CPC
At my brother's Physical Therapist there was a stature of a young monk sitting with Ganesha, the Hindu Elephant God. Or so I thought. Ganesha represents luck and abundance.
I took a photo and sent it to my husband, who texted back that it's not Ganesha at all, but a Buddhist story, the young monk is seeking enlightenment and the black elephant represents laziness. Eventually it turns white after the monk overcomes it.
It seemed fitting for a PT's office, my brother needs to do a lot of hard, physical work to overcome his disability. It's an uphill battle as he's naturally sedentary.
But today I see it from another perspective.
Making friends with laziness doesn't mean letting it take over your life. It's allowing for balance. Inactivity can be restorative. Resisting laziness can mean you spin your wheels with a lot of activity that doesn't really get you anywhere. Often you need to stop trying to make things happen in order for things to manifest in a bigger way, beyond your own imagination.
Sunday, August 15, 2021
Because Alaska has gone back to making super saver fares nonrefundable (they were allowing the fees to go into wallet to be reused), I’ve had to start spending $40 more for tickets since my sister-in-law’s chemo schedule is only confirmed 4-6 weeks at a time. I currently have flights booked for the next three months.
Main cabin fares bring perks I hadn’t anticipated. Yesterday morning, I got an email saying I was upgraded to First Class, seat 4C. I was chuffed.
This morning they announced they had to change to a smaller plane and were oversold. Everyone’s seat assignment changed. They would assign seated at the gate.
I sat at the airport waiting to find out what mine was going to be.
Just before we started boarding I discovered my new seat was 8D. Two rows behind first class. Premium has extra leg room. My seats mates are a mom, a kid, and a dog.
Still better than 36D.
So this got me reflecting on Havingness. The ability to have. Everything in our reality reflects our havingness. Our creation as Consciousness.
Here’s the thing. There is no good nor bad as Consciousness. Everything reflects Consciousness’ creativity. If your life is full of crap, it’s equally as creative as a life full of blessings.
If you want to expand your havingness, you have to let go of your preconceived and unconscious notions of what you can or can’t have.
So my havingness didn’t quite expand to First Class this trip, but it easily slid into Premium class.
I’ve been helping my brother and sister in law since September 2018, three weeks a month. The first two and a half years of flying to NYC every month from Seattle, I slept on the sofa in the living room of their apartment. This February they moved to a 2 bedroom apartment and I got the second bedroom. For the time being, when she retired they’ll probably have to rent it but by then I hope to only be coming out ten days a month or less.
My havingness upped to having my own room but hasn’t expanded to being home more.
I’m expanding in other ways, however. Internally I’ve expanded in emotional maturity. I’ve become less introverted and better able to work in teams. My relationships with husband and adult kids are good.
Flying first class would be a fun perk. But the real expansion is as Consciousness, and the ripple effect is infinite.
Friday, August 13, 2021
Upgrading God ©2021 Joan M. Newcomb, CPC
Last weekend I was at a conference where a white judge from Texas (not acting in his professional capacity but using his legal expertise to manipulate our voting system) wanted to enforce a rigid and antiquated interpretation of the group's guidelines. It excludes the experience of a large number of participants. He did something like this last year, which led to 12 months of discord and contention within the organization.
This year the majority of attendees expressed a desire to be inclusive. He managed to get the last word in before the first gathering was ending, with an attempt to back up his claims using gender specific terms for God.
What's actually dying, is old paradigms of power, old paradigms of gender, old paradigms of privilege and exclusivity. It's his version of reality that is dying. His attempt to exert control, if successful, would lead to the death of the organization.
But that's not going to happen, because the majority of members are committed to growth and clarity.
I'm working with a mentee who was raised in a conservative religious cult, and the male gendered version of God was actually preventing her spiritual growth. I suggested calling God "she", and it completely expanded her worldview. She uses "Goddess" in her prayers and feels more trusting that it's a benevolent Universe.
A few years ago, I went through yet another frigging upgrade from the 5D one I already went through in 2006. I'd already experienced the Universe being benevolent. I liked that version of spiritual software. But in 2016, my version of God expanded. As a child I was raised Presbyterian, with the old man with a beard God who was also punishing, non-forgiving, and withholding. In my early twenties, it changed to the Universe, that I could call on ("Hey, U"!) any time and feel everything surrounding me become sharper and brighter. When I went to Findhorn times in my late thirties, I experienced being enveloped in Love, and when I studied with David Spangler in my early forties, I experienced that same Love again, falling into it fearing I would lose myself and yet finding myself more clearly defined within it.
But then it became Consciousness, and I Am Consciousness, both encompassing and within. And it wasn't just accessing God Within, it was Consciousness within and the absolute knowing that I Am Consciousness.
And that really tripped me up. It was so foreign to the belief that God is a power greater than you, an intelligence greater than myself, something to surrender to, turn my will and my life over to the care of...
How do I do that when it's me? Consciousness doesn't have a heirarchy. There's no more than or less than. You don't give up space to it. It doesn't make sense to.
So I spent a good four years arm wrestling with it, feeling almost atheist.
And now it's turning around. I Am Consciousness and the part of me that is arm wrestling myself is my body personality, my horse. When I operate as Consciousness, everything lines up and manifests easily and effortlessly.
Consciousness is greater than the Hologram. It's greater than the avatar playing in the hologram. And yet it is the life force within every cell that makes up the character that is me and the seemingly solid objects within the hologram.
There is no power in the hologram and to try to shadow box with it will make you feel powerless.
Drop the fight and more possibilities open up.
But I also realize that this experience of Consciousness is not fixed. It expands, it contracts. Because it's Earth the opposite will feel true.
We're all going through a Consciousness upgrade. For some of us we've gone to our general settings and clicked "Install now". For some of us it's going to happen while we sleep and when we wake up we'll discover half of our apps no longer work.
In my experience, it's a lot more pleasant to click 'Install now" and be in agreement with the expansion than to remain unconscious.
What do you want to do?
Saturday, August 7, 2021
Projections ©2021 Joan M. Newcomb, CPC
I’ve had some interesting experiences recently being the recipient of people’s projections. One person anticipated being judged for their being inconsistent with their schedule, one person was pissed that a project didn’t include more time zones.
Also, I’ve had times when I’ve misjudged people because of my projections.
Projections are perceptions we view the world through (or are viewed by others). Just like a combat vet reacts to fireworks and thinks they’re back in a war zone. Energy gets projected onto people, places, things. It’s almost always negative. Sometimes it’s unrealistically positive, projecting someone is more angelic than they really are.
Projections mean that you’re not in the present moment, and you’re definitely not experiencing clarity. Clarity is simply the truth of what is. Truth can be ugly, but there’s also a feeling relief because it’s real. You can do something about reality. You can’t do anything about projections except spin your wheels.
How can we see things clearly? How can we be seen clearly?
The first question’s answer is simple (but not necessarily easy). Be in the present moment. Question your thoughts. If something is dramatic, or scary, or really, really bad, then it’s probably not real. Unless you really are in a war zone. But even then. When you’re really in a war zone, it’s more likely your senses get heightened and things slow down. That’s being in the present moment, being present with what is.
Our bodies are walking picture galleries. We’ll react to anything through our lenses from the past. Our minds will make up stories about what is going on around us, and we view the world through those movies.
Being still, being in the present moment, allows us to perceive clearly as Consciousness. If something is matter of fact, benevolent, or amusing, then it’s probably real.
How can we be seen clearly?
Well, we can’t change, fix or manipulate the pictures of others around us. We can only be centered in our own awareness. It’s more a matter of not resisting other’s projections.
Sometimes, as we evolve, as we grow brighter, we’ll receive more projections. Because to others used to the dark, our light is hurting their eyes.
As we become more Conscious, we bump up against our own unconscious projections. We're so used to them, they're invisible to us. But they act as plexiglass walls to our own growth.
Collectively, we're all expanding to a newer, lighter, brighter reality. So even if it seems uncomfortable or dark right now, light is on the other side.
Monday, August 2, 2021
Thursday, July 29, 2021
Crisis, Trauma, and the Consciousness Shift ©2021 Joan M. Newcomb, CPC
It was pointed out to me today (and not for the first time), that the language I was using implied that I felt that things were happening to me, that I was not at choice with the situation I was describing. That I was sounding like a victim of circumstances.
It was annoying because I know better. And I certainly don’t feel like a victim. But circumstances have arisen that I had not foreseen, and I’ve had to do some adjusting in ways I hadn’t anticipated.
As I stewed about this a bit, I realized that my anxiety came entirely from future tripping. I actually don’t know the outcome of what’s happening at the moment. I don’t know if people are going to live or die. But in the present moment, everyone’s as okay as they can be.
We got through that event. The dog lived, although I was $1,700 poorer.
I’ve also been doing some body work that releases trauma from the unconscious. It’s been interesting to feel/sense things being released, like random memories coming out of the woodwork. The charge is gone. Trauma is from past events and when I’m not in the present moment (consciously or unconsciously), it feels stuck, heavy, or even simply invisible.
Yesterday I started watching Mrs. America on Hulu, and began laughing at how much it triggered me. That was the environment I grew up in. That was the covert and overt misogeny that I experienced as the only girl in a family of boys. It was stunning to realize how much fifty year old cultural programming still influences me in 2021.
And where does the Consciousness shift fit into all of this? I went through a huge shift in Consciousness in 2006-8, where everything radically changed, time became malleable, reality became filled with different possibilities.
Starting in 2016, things started becoming very dense. And it doesn’t mean the shift didn’t happen, it doesn’t mean I slid backwards. If anything, it means the shift is continuing. More people are experiencing it.
I’ve likened it to sitting in an arena where people start doing “the wave”. You can see folks standing up, as it works its way around the circle of seats. I felt like one of the early ones to stand, but now almost everyone in the entire stadium is up on their feet.
What happens as we all experience greater Consciousness, is that old trauma comes out of the woodwork. It’s being released, as is everything that is dense and not in alignment with the higher frequency of Consciousness, is being release.
We’re seeing people with old beliefs and distorted perceptions acting out. It feels a lot denser because it’s being released. Like a house undergoing spring cleaning, there’s a lot more dust in the air.
Even if I don’t feel like it, I know that I’m Consciousness creating all of this, and as I navigate it, I’m moving through different possibilities, different outcomes. If I’m trying to change, fix, or manipulate what’s going on, I’m operating like things are happening to me. If I’m going forward with curiosity, wonder, or even amusement, then I’m operating as Consciousness.
When I’m in the present moment, I can feel Consciousness. It feels lighter, it feels expansive, and I feel at choice.
We're going through a particularly intense phase of the Shift right now. All the more reason to be gentle with ourselves and in the present moment.
Thursday, July 15, 2021
WHAT I HAVE CONTROL OVER ©2021 Joan M. Newcomb, CPC
The other day I went into Manhattan. My weather app said it was going to start thunderstorm ing at 2pm and go until after midnight. I joked to my sister in law that I was going to “wiggle my nose and blink my eyes”. I also said it wasn’t going to rain because I’d brought an umbrella.
We got to the Upper East Side about 2pm and my weather app now said it was going to start storming at 3pm. We were inside for about three hours and when we came out, the weather app said it would start storming at 7pm.
We ate a quick dinner, got on the subway back to Queens and at 7pm. as we were walking to the apartment, my weather app still said it was going to rain, but it wasn’t. Within a couple hours, the rain was completely out of the forecast… for the rest of the week.
How much was this my “wiggling my nose and blinking my eyes”?
Last week, my husband took me to the airport. We left the house early to catch a ferry that my husband was convinced we weren’t going to catch. The app on my phone said the ferry had already left. When we got down to the dock, it was still loading. I closed my eyes, turned within, and shifted my focus away from my husband’s pervasive energy. I felt a lightness fill me.
We rolled on the boat.
How much was this my changing external circumstances?
When I held in person meetups, I’d always end them by playing a game “Parallel Universes”. I’d have people walk around the meeting room imaging each step took them into a different Parallel Universe. People reported amazing changes after playing this game (or using it in their daily lives). Job offers paying more than they’d ever imagined. Relationships appearing. I was always specific that they weren’t changing, fixing, or manipulating the outside world. they were shifting themselves into a different Universe.
One person had problems with their boss, and after walking through parallel Universes the next week their boss quit. My explanation is that they didn’t make their boss resign, they stepped into a parallel universe where they were leaving.
If I place my focus on external things, the problem, or even the solution, my energy is going outside of me. It can create some changes but they’re temporary fixes. It’s like moving the set background and furniture around on a stage. I lose energy when I focus on people, places and things. I’m reinforcing things as they are.
Now, with the weather in Manhattan I didn’t really even focus on it. I just looked at the app and watched it change. I was entering into Universes where it wasn’t thunder storming in that moment, until I entered into a Universe where it wasn’t storming at all.
It was very light, playful, casual and spontaneous. All qualities I attribute to Consciousness.
With catching the ferry, I realized how much I allow external energy to influence my reality. I didn’t focus on changing my husband, I focused within, on where it was different.
When I do that, everything changes without me changing anything.
We’re awaiting PET scan results. Now between the test and the radiologist report, there’s room for miracles. Rather than unraveling the storyline, I’m shifting my focus within. Internally being in a Universe where everything is unfolding in everyone’s favor.
What I notice when I play this way is that it’s a benevolent Universe. What unfolds is something bigger than I can imagine. I’m curious to see what happens.
Note: after writing this post, my sister-in-law and walked to the subway and were ever-so-lightly sprinkled on. No rain in the forecast. It's a benevolent Universe and a humorous Hologram.
Friday, February 12, 2021
The End of The World (As We Know It) ©2021 Joan M. Newcomb, CPC
I’m observing what is going on in the world today, and I’m seeing huge growth and expansion. In order for expansion to happen, however, old, restrictive patterns need to be released.
There’s an aspect of this that is natural. This planet is always in the midst of creating and destroying, disintegration and regeneration. Then there’s our man made, physical level of destruction and creation. We can see it evident in climate change and the effect of fossil fuels, but also in our creation of machines using alternative fuels, becoming more “green” in our building, more aware of our carbon footprint.
And then there’s cultural and societal changes, working towards equity and equality for all people.
I’ve spent the last forty years engaging more in the unseen realms, and here I am seeing more intensity than ever before. I believe it starts with the unseen and evolves to the physical, so what we’re witnessing in the work is a reaction to what it happening to all of us within. I think we haven’t experienced such enormous transformation in nearly two thousand years.
When you view it from the physical or even societal perspective it can feel like the end of the world as we know it. But it’s not the end of the world, just the world as we know it. You can feel like you’re dying. But it’s just the restrictive patterns that are going away. You can see prominent people in the news trying to reinforce restrictions, trying to drag the evolving world back to olden times. It’s not going to work, any more than trying to stop a tsunami with sandbags or a volcano with boulders.
It’s bigger than them. It’s bigger than their versions of reality. Evolution is happening whether it’s comfortable or not.
When you look at all of this from the perspective of Consciousness, you see it as light and patterns. Consciousness begins outside the hologram, but shows up in the hologram as vibration. It’s very high, very clear, and as it comes into form, it creates patterns of varying density. Bright light destroys shadows. High vibration shatters denser structures. We’re all experiencing being in the light in different ways.
Some of us are exhilarated. This is what we feel we are born for, to break rigid patterns, to bring in greater light. We’re on the leading edge, we’ve felt different than others, we’re excited to see the rest of the world catching up! Some of us are really uncomfortable. We’re born to stablize, to reinforce structures, to keep things in order. When we can open ourselves to the new things coming in, we can assist by helping to create foundations, to support and anchor the new into form.
All of us are either reinforcing patterns or breaking them. Reinforced patterns start as scaffolding for new creations for Consciousness to manifest through. Breaking old patterns allows new growth.
It’s natural to resist, whether it’s resisting old patterns we feel are being imposed upon us, or whether it opportunity for new patterns that will actually allow us to manifest what we’ve been desiring for a long time.
When we resist old patterns, we feel imposed upon, we feel those outside are more powerful than we are. That is exactly the old that is in the process of dissolving and going away. When you stop resisting, you get your energy back and empower yourself.
When we resist new patterns, we stop ourselves from expanding into our next level of evolution. When you stop resisting your own growth, you effortlessly go forward into your True Self, who you really are (beyond your body and personality).
It’s the end of the world as we have known it, and the beginning of the new world better than we could possibly imagine.
Wednesday, September 30, 2020
Monday, August 17, 2020
Weaving Between Levels of Perception © 2020 Joan M Newcomb, CPC
In recent months, with all that’s been going on in the external world, I’ve completely forgotten my storyline. That is, the levels of my story line, and that I’m the moving through this reality from different levels. That’s because I don’t see them as static levels, rather, I weave between the levels of perception.
When I’ve lost my focus, I’ve dropped a level. That is what the last few months have been like.I’ve been helping other family members with their realities and forgetting about my own.
Friday, August 7, 2020
Friday, July 10, 2020
I had plans this week to write about this shift to 5D and what it looks like from an in-body perspective. I may still write about it. But right now, through a series of completely unexpected events (very eclipsian), I’m sitting in my son’s living room, acting as the caretaker for my ex husband. He’s been disabled since having a massive heart attack in 2012, and my son, who was 25 at the time and is now 33, has been caring for him ever since.
So I am still not done with my helping my brother, but I’m down to flying out to NYC only 1 week out of them month. And this came up suddenly, and the hands on caregiving is only meant to last until they can hire someone. But it is so, so, so very interesting that it’s me here doing it.
My ex and I divorced almost 25 years ago. A whole other wife has come and gone since then. We shared custody of the kids, but I had some clear boundaries. I never even stepped into the most of houses they lived in during those years. Never saw my kids’ bedrooms there.
When he had his heart attack, I was in DC caring for my mother. When I came back the following year, he was still somewhat functional. But over time it became clear that he was neurologically affected by oxygen loss during the heart attack, and has other physical issues.
I viewed him as a relative that was ill, and extended a hand when I could to support my son. Mostly that’s looked like runs to Costco once or twice a month. There was a time I tried taking him to a memory support group, after he was diagnosed with dementia. And picked him up from the hospital a couple times after some severe bouts of pneumonia.
But this is the most I’ve actually been in this house, and interacted with him, in almost 25 years.
It feels oh, so, eclipsian. And actually a reflection of the Consciousness Shift.
You would think that a Consciousness Shift from 3D to 5D would be raising higher in vibration. But this is diving deep into ancient patterns, shining light and disintegrating them simply by being different with them.
This is walking, clear eyed, straight into them.
My son has done an amazing job taking care of his dad in extraordinarily painful circumstances. His brother lives in Spain and can only come out a couple weeks a year. There is no other family here. His dad has dementia and also emphysema, so he is being with someone who is slowly dying, who is taking years to die. There’s an ongoing grief that happens when you are with someone doing that. Who they were has already died and you mourn that loss. Your job is to provide a safe space as they are leaving the body. During the eight years since the heart attack, my son bought the rental house they’re living in, and has begun a very successful business. But has sacrificed in other areas of his life. How many 33 year olds are in this position? Usually we’re much older, having raised our own families, when this happens.
I sit here, when I’m not bringing his dad coffee, moving the cat out of the room when he wants to smoke (yes he still smokes), or helping him navigate to the bathroom (he can’t recognize shapes or distances any more), and bring Consciousness into this place. With no specific intention. Not changing, fixing, manipulating or controlling the hologram. Just responding to what is.
My ex is amazed at my ability to recall. He asks a question about something in the past and I tell him exactly what happened in way too much detail. I’m calling myself The Keeper of Memories, since it seems I’m the only one to know these things.
This is what it looks like, the shift to 5D from a 3D perspective. We can’t take our past with us. We are all needing to leave our baggage behind. Those of use with a heavier load of experiences (or concepts or beliefs) are being extra confronted at this time. The more capable of us have created more challenging life times.
And I get to bring light into darkness, which is my purpose for being here. I get to break family patterns by responding differently.
I just remembered that today is my first wedding’s anniversary. The irony is not lost on me, that I am here today, thirty five years later.
In greater Consciousness, there is no past or future. There is no deeper or higher. As Consciousness all the histories are happening at once. As we expand into greater consciousness (5D) yet remain in form (3D) we get to experience physical reality with less density, less pain. We shall not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.