Grief and Loss

Grief and Loss ©2021 Joan M. Newcomb, CPC

When I entered my sixties, I realized, in order to live a long time that I'd have to get used to grief and loss. Amongst other things.

Not that I hadn't had plenty of experience with grief and loss in the preceding sixty years. 

However in recent years there's been some wrenching losses, individually and collectively. How I've handled it in the past is to compartmentalize it. I usually go into action mode, "fight" more than "flight". 

I can grieve later, I decide at the time.

There's a practical reality to this, as usually there's no one else to rely on or pick up the pieces. I don't feel I have the "luxury" to collapse in grief. As I write this, I realize that grieving isn't a sign of weakness, and it doesn't have to bring collapse. I can grieve and I can be in action at the same time.

The part of me that is grieving is the part of me that perceives loss. It's the part of me that wants security and stability, and believes those things are in relationships, and material things like a roof over one's head.

It's the part of me that isn't going to make it out of this lifetime alive, so views everything in very black and white terms.

As Consciousness, I don't feel grief nor loss, because I know I am always connected with my loved ones, whether they're in physical form or not. As I write this, I also realize I'm always connected with loved ones not yet in physical form as well. Which delights me.

As Consciousness, I don't need a location for security, as I'm creating all of this in the moment. I don't need security, either. Security doesn't make sense to one that is infinite, All that Is, creating all things.

However, also as Consciousness I've created this form, my body/personality, and am aware of it's needs and desires. 

When I live life *as* Consciousness with a physical form and personality, it doesn't mean marching forwards as if its needs don't matter. That's like riding a horse and neglecting to give it water, abandoning at night when wolves howl. 

As Consciousness, life means experiencing every delicious and difficult aspect of being in physical form. It actually doesn't mean marching forwards towards anything. That is a body level kind of measurement.

Also just realized that living "a long time" is also a body level measurement. Of course bodies want to live as long as possible.

Being in the present moment, is as close to feeling the infiniteness of Consciousness as you can feel.

As a collective, we've been through an enormous amount of grief and loss in the last year or two. We've been experiencing an accelerated shift in Consciousness that heightens our awareness but also our empathy with others. This magnifies grief and loss as we're not just feeling our own emotions.

We're also losing everything we thought was real, but actually was just egoic levels of importance. That's not to invalidate people who lost loved ones during the pandemic. People have transitioned to nonphysical in increasing numbers during this time. That's been hard to handle, we miss their physical presence and the prevalent "noise" makes it difficult to connect with them Spirit to Spirit. They're still there but it's like a bad cell phone connection - easier to talk to but harder to hear.

Evolving to a new level means letting go of what was familiar, and we may fight it even if what was familiar wasn't comfortable. We might be so used to being in pain and unhappy, we're resisting taking steps that would improve our lives or expand our quality of living.

When I'm in that place (and I kinda sorta in that place right now in certain areas), I don't need to immediately leap to being perfectly pain free and joyously happy all the time. Although as Consciousness, I can easily do so. For my body's sake, I can take baby steps to change. 

 

What Is Dying In Your Life?

What Is Dying In Your Life? ©2016 Joan M. Newcomb, CPC

This has been a long, hard year for many people. And we've had some significant deaths, as well. With the recent unexpected passings, I've joked that David Bowie and Prince are hosting one heck of a Sky Party.

And for those of us who are staying in our bodies, there have been other kinds of loss. If it hasn't been material, or in relationship, it's been within ourselves. Perhaps our world view has changed, or an aspect of our identity has gone. Perhaps we have lost hope, or inspiration.

Chinese Opera, by Nova

In the last couple of months some of these have been sudden and unexpected. We're in shock, as well as grief.

For months now, I have been aware of an impending death in my life, and am not clear what it is. I've been rebuilding since 2013 (the year I helped both parents die, and also my dog, lost my uncle, my house, and my business effectively shut down).

I've also been aware of being at a tipping point, a sense of about to dive in, all-or-nothing. Which doesn't entirely make sense to me, since I've always been resolutely committed to my work, which is my purpose and calling in life.

What this reminds me of, is when I did psychic readings and looked at people's futures. Sometimes their future self would be right there on the timeline, pointing out what was going to happen. At other times, the timeline would disappear into a fog.

I had two interpretations for this image. One was that the person wasn't meant to see what was coming up, they were supposed to stay in the present moment, otherwise they'd try to skip steps to achieve it. The other was that the future was still being written, it was still being designed.

I sense it is the latter for me. I am letting go of expectations and assumptions. Releasing effort, trying hard. It's been several years of a lot of action, of running around giving it away, trying to reach as many people as possible. It feels like things are changing, my focus is narrowing to those who can show up and have the information.  It feels like a return to creativity as well. I've had a couple books that have been waiting years to come out; perhaps 2017 is a time they will be birthed!

So what is dying for you? What is going away?

Collectively, I think we've moved to a new level of Consciousness, so anything of a denser vibration no longer exists in this new reality.

We can use this time to our advantage, to actively release that which we may perceive as dragging or holding us back. Perhaps you've been struggling with something for a long time. You can leave it in 2016, and let 2017 be a different Universe for you.

You don't have to know the solution, or the answer. You just have to step into the space where it exists.

You may find that you haven't lost anything at all (anything of significance is always stored in Consciousness) and instead gain a whole new world!

Disasters and Consciousness

Disasters and Consciousness ©2015 Joan M. Newcomb

We just had a massive earthquake in Nepal, followed by a large one in New Guinea, a fair sized one off of India, and volcanos erupting in Chile and the Phillipines and (underwater) off the coast of Oregon.  There's a whole lotta shaking going on.

With any growth cycle, there are periods of tension and release.  The planet is always moving around, tectonic plates shifting, creating more land masses, destroying along fault lines.

Society goes through similar cycles, belief systems constricting, people rebelling, conflicting ways of thinking coming to the surface, and eruptions of protests and wars, until we settle into a new normal.

We're strongly affected by natural and "manmade" disasters.  It brings out the best (and sometimes the worst) in us.  Heroes are made and hearts are broken.  Miracles and tragedies, side by side.

Faith is tested, faith is lost, and faith is found.  If there's any evidence that there's a power greater than our personalities, take a look at super tsunamis and 7+ magnitude earthquakes.

We may contribute to planetary disturbances and global warming, but the Earth could shrug it's shoulders at any moment and be rid of us.

Some of us shake our fists, at God ("how can God do this to us?") or at the Government ("it isn't doing enough to help or prevent this").

I've written in the past how we collectively create being in these situations.  I've noticed when everyone seems to be stuck or struggling, something major occurs.  And at other times, when everyone seems to be dealing with their own, inner earthquakes, external disasters pass us by.

But now it doesn't seem useful or helpful to look at things that way. It's too easy to blame or fault, misunderstanding responsibility with the ability to respond.

What happens when you perceive this as Consciousness? When you close your eyes, turn within, step back or drop down,  what do you notice?  Consciousness feels immense.  Consciousness feels impassive.  It feels like the ocean, which gives life and just as easily swallows you up.  It's not personal.

As Consciousness, there is no good or bad.  Earthquakes aren't bad.  Loss of life isn't bad.  There will always be eruptions.  People will always died, and at different ages and under different circumstances than they or others will have preferred.

Step a little more back, drop a little deeper, and there's more awareness flowing.  There is love and caring and appreciation.  And yet birth and destruction and equally creative.  There's acceptance of all that is.  There's a knowingness that all is very well.

Whatever we are each struggling with, is put into perspective.  This, too, shall pass.

Letting Go and Holding On

Letting Go and Holding On ©2014 Joan M. Newcomb

One of our radio show listeners wrote asking about  'Letting Go'.  We realized we couldn't talk about it without also talking about 'Holding On'.

Life is a continuous flow of letting go; we have to release the present moment in order to move forward.  We must surrender to the future or else have no future.

We cannot manifest our dreams without letting go of fantasies.  In order to have more, we must let go of whatever is occupying the space for it.

It can be a relief to let go of things we no longer want, and a delight to drop restrictions. Every new moment is an opportunity for expansion.

Our world is under constant renovation.  The Universe wants to give us more, we need but ask for it.

But how do you not lose something or someone you love?  How can you hold on to what you want to keep?

The thing to know is, what is real is never lost.

We want to hold onto our youth and attractiveness, but the wisdom that comes with age reveals a more magnificent beauty.

We want to keep our initial love affair, but in grasping it too tightly we stifle its growth.  Real love takes years to ripen.

And, the truth of the matter is, nothing real ever dies.

Our loved ones are still here, we cannot see them but we can sense them.  The conflicts and personality flaws are gone, but the essence of their love for us and our love for them is immortal.

When a loved one passes, it's an opportunity to have a new relationship with them, that transcends form.  However, we have to grieve their physical loss in order to feel them in their lighter state of being.

It also helps to know that we live in a multiverse where all possibilities exist.  As Consciousness, you experience parallel universes where you made different choices and will choose different options.  Some aspect of you, a parallel self, got to have whatever you missed out on.  You can have a different future simply by stepping into a different path.

Here's a game, if you are stuck - move your hand out in front of you, most likely it will feel dense, as if a door is closed.  Feel around for where ever is feels like a door easily opens, and step into that new space.  Notice what is different. You have effortlessly shifted into a new Universe.

Do this from a childlike, playful space.  Have no preconceived notions of where you are going as your current thinking got you where you are.  You want to open to something bigger than you can imagine!

Play with this, this week, and see what happens!

What to do When Your World Collapses

What to do when your world collapses ©2014 Joan M. Newcomb

Every one of us will have at least one experience that shatters their reality. Every one of us will have at least one experience that shatters their reality.

You or someone you love will lose their job, be in an accident, get divorced, uncover a horrible truth, be diagnosed with a potentially fatal illness...

It may happen in an instant, or erode over time.  Whatever occurs will feel like a door has shut behind you, your path has been irrevocably changed.

How do you move forward? How can you go on?  

You may feel numb with grief, you may feel vulnerable, like your skin has been removed.  It may be hard to be around people.  It may be difficult to eat.  You may want to sleep all day.  You may not be able to sleep at all.

Energetically, what has happened, is that all your pictures of what reality should look like have been erased.  Your identity has been altered. It is very disorienting.

Your perception of yourself as married, employed, healthy, safe, has suddenly shifted to the opposite.

Imagine a house undergoing a remodel.  Sometimes it was consciously chosen. other times things blowup and make it happen.  You have to reinvent yourself.  You have to rebuild your life.

Everyone recovers differently.  Everyone has a different time line.  You can't have too many expectations of yourself when things first happen.  Perhaps you're in crises mode, you have to just get through it.

Numbness can be a protection, it can help you keep things together in the first few days, weeks or months.  You get through it moment by moment, and then day by day.

Your self-talk can make it harder - or easier.  When my dog ate rat poison, the weekend I was moving, I told myself, "this isn't a crisis, it's an event."

When my mother got Alzheimer's and cancer and I decided it would be inhumane to put her through chemo, I'd find myself saying, "I can't do this, I can't keep going."  And then I'd say, "yes you can."

Who is doing the talking?

We are more than our identities, we are more than our storylines.  The part of us that is shattered, that is grieving loss, is our personality-self.  Within us there is an Essential Self that is bigger than any problem.

Breakdowns are opportunities for us to strengthen, deepen, grow and expand.  They allow our True Selves to emerge.

The sun will shine again.  Mourn the loss but don't cling to it.  You will get through this.  The pain will eventually subside.

Look for hidden blessings, and angels in disguise.  Even in the bleakest moments, they are there.  It may be in a sunny day.  It may be kindness from a stranger.  Notice how the Universe supports you.

Nothing true is ever lost.  Your loved ones still exist in non-physical form.  Who you are at your core never goes away.  You may feel disconnected as you are going through this experience, but -You will emerge stronger, wiser, and more compassionate.

Know you are loved.  Know you are wise.  Know you are strong.  Know you can get through this.  

Most importantly, Know it will get better.

Embrace Change

Embrace Change ©2014 Joan M. Newcomb

I started writing this talking about the tough times people are going through, then realized it was exactly like a post I started writing a month ago, and scrapped in favor of a more uplifting message.  I'm doing the same again.

Listen, I know tough times.  I've survived an overdose, abuse, betrayal, divorce, poverty, loss, death.  And I honestly can't say what kept me from jumping off a ferry at times.  But I'm glad I did. I want to give a higher perspective of what it's all about:

Seasons are changing, trees and plants are going through new cycles, it's time to move on. This planet is all about creating and destroying, and each part of the cycle is equally creative, from the perspective of Consciousness.

If you try to hold on to what is going away, it's going to be extraordinarily painful. Trying to stop the flow of life is like trying to stop a river with your hands.

This doesn't mean you can't change your reality. You can reverse a fatal illness, you can get out of a soul destroying job, you can thrive after abuse. But change comes with letting go, you don't fight what isn't working.

Sometimes your Universal Self helps you change by creating circumstances that are "straws that break the camel's back". Situations from which there is no turning back. Forcing you to hit bottom so there's no way to go but up.

Things happen that shatter your sense of self, and you have to reinvent your life. It's like not remodeling your house until there's a fire or earthquake.

Consciousness (your Universal Self) views all this with amusement and neutrality.  This world is Your playground, Your whole purpose is to create. Nothing is ever truly lost, nothing ever truly dies, energy transforms.

Beings leave their bodies, but they still exist as Essence. At a greater level, as Consciousness, there is no separation, we're all still connected.

At some point, I realized that in order to live to a ripe old age, I'll have to get used to loss.  So here's my greater perspective on that:

Embrace change, welcome the new, open your arms to what is out there.  You are your own parent and midwife, birthing you into a new experience with each breath.

You ARE Consciousness, this is your playground, go out there and play!














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WTF is Happening?

WTF is Happening? ©2014 Joan M. Newcomb

It's been a tough week.  There's been deaths, losses, destruction, a lot of people experiencing pain and depression.  Pretty much anyone with a physical body has been impacted.

Although my personal storyline is good at the moment, my own experience of death and loss is pretty recent, so it's easy to pick up and match the resonances of friends and loved ones going through similar things now.

When I feel what others are feeling, from the same awareness level that they're feeling it, it's pretty unbearable.  This happened to them, they're in shock, their world has ended, they don't know how they're going to make it through the day.  It's immobilizing.

When I shift my perspective to Consciousness, I can be useful.  From Consciousness, I get a global perspective of what is going on.  I can see us collectively moving to another level of awareness.  I know the people who have passed aren't really gone, they're existing at a vibration we can feel, although we can no longer see them.

As Consciousness, the changes are exciting.  As body, they feel pretty f*%k'd up.  Things are coming to the surface to clear, things are cracking open.  We're feeling loss inside ourselves when we're really just letting go of stuck or rigid thinking or unconscious beliefs.

It's an opportunity for expansion, to embrace the new, to step up into a lighter, brighter awareness, but anything at a lower vibration, feels very uncomfortable.

Just as computers need upgrades, periodically we need to upgrade.  Sometimes it's our thinking, sometimes it's our behavior, sometimes our techniques, sometimes it's our energy system.  Athletes, dancers and regular exercisers have to upgrade their workouts to keep up with their levels of fitness.

People in recovery discover this, as they progress out of their earlier physical addictions and have to tackle personality issues and compulsive behavior.  It's no shame to take on new twelve step programs even if you're an 'old timer' in your original one, it's like going to different levels of graduate school.

As we grow and evolve as Consciousness, we need to move forward, too.  Sometimes it's being open to new ways of doing things, expanding our belief system to encompass.  Your guides and/or angels may have been helpful for you at the beginning, but you may need new ones who match your new vibration.

Sometimes this shows up as new beings matching your new energy level, sometimes it's the old ones communicating in a new way. I used to have regular times I'd sit with my journal and record what my devas would tell me.  An upgrade a few years ago brought in a completely different team, who no longer required 'staff meetings'.  How will you guys communicate with me? I asked. "Twitter", they said.  So now I get random thoughts and inspirations 'tweeted' to me.

We have to upgrade our beliefs and our energy techniques as well.  It may be a matter of learning new techniques, or hearing things in a new way.  It may be taking your current techniques and 'modernizing them' from dialup to WiFi.

This biggest change I see is where we access our information and place our focus.  If we try to use other people's knowledge, it doesn't work for us anymore.  We need to connect to Source using our own internal cellular modem.  Also, if you're focused on the personality level, in the 'story' or the  drama, you're swimming at the bottom of the fishtank (sorry to mix metaphors)!

Want to feel better?  Ask for an upgrade, then feel the shift (it may be subtle or profound).  Ask to experience what's going on as Consciousness, and notice how it expands your perspective.

Try this for the next 7 days and see what happens!