Grief and Loss

Grief and Loss ©2021 Joan M. Newcomb, CPC

When I entered my sixties, I realized, in order to live a long time that I'd have to get used to grief and loss. Amongst other things.

Not that I hadn't had plenty of experience with grief and loss in the preceding sixty years. 

However in recent years there's been some wrenching losses, individually and collectively. How I've handled it in the past is to compartmentalize it. I usually go into action mode, "fight" more than "flight". 

I can grieve later, I decide at the time.

There's a practical reality to this, as usually there's no one else to rely on or pick up the pieces. I don't feel I have the "luxury" to collapse in grief. As I write this, I realize that grieving isn't a sign of weakness, and it doesn't have to bring collapse. I can grieve and I can be in action at the same time.

The part of me that is grieving is the part of me that perceives loss. It's the part of me that wants security and stability, and believes those things are in relationships, and material things like a roof over one's head.

It's the part of me that isn't going to make it out of this lifetime alive, so views everything in very black and white terms.

As Consciousness, I don't feel grief nor loss, because I know I am always connected with my loved ones, whether they're in physical form or not. As I write this, I also realize I'm always connected with loved ones not yet in physical form as well. Which delights me.

As Consciousness, I don't need a location for security, as I'm creating all of this in the moment. I don't need security, either. Security doesn't make sense to one that is infinite, All that Is, creating all things.

However, also as Consciousness I've created this form, my body/personality, and am aware of it's needs and desires. 

When I live life *as* Consciousness with a physical form and personality, it doesn't mean marching forwards as if its needs don't matter. That's like riding a horse and neglecting to give it water, abandoning at night when wolves howl. 

As Consciousness, life means experiencing every delicious and difficult aspect of being in physical form. It actually doesn't mean marching forwards towards anything. That is a body level kind of measurement.

Also just realized that living "a long time" is also a body level measurement. Of course bodies want to live as long as possible.

Being in the present moment, is as close to feeling the infiniteness of Consciousness as you can feel.

As a collective, we've been through an enormous amount of grief and loss in the last year or two. We've been experiencing an accelerated shift in Consciousness that heightens our awareness but also our empathy with others. This magnifies grief and loss as we're not just feeling our own emotions.

We're also losing everything we thought was real, but actually was just egoic levels of importance. That's not to invalidate people who lost loved ones during the pandemic. People have transitioned to nonphysical in increasing numbers during this time. That's been hard to handle, we miss their physical presence and the prevalent "noise" makes it difficult to connect with them Spirit to Spirit. They're still there but it's like a bad cell phone connection - easier to talk to but harder to hear.

Evolving to a new level means letting go of what was familiar, and we may fight it even if what was familiar wasn't comfortable. We might be so used to being in pain and unhappy, we're resisting taking steps that would improve our lives or expand our quality of living.

When I'm in that place (and I kinda sorta in that place right now in certain areas), I don't need to immediately leap to being perfectly pain free and joyously happy all the time. Although as Consciousness, I can easily do so. For my body's sake, I can take baby steps to change. 

 

Fearlessness

Fearlessness ©2018 Joan M. Newcomb, CPC

What would you do, if you weren't afraid to do it? Who would you be if you weren't afraid of what others would think?

Fear is a tricky thing, it masquerades as anger, vagueness, sleepiness, or even perfectionism. What it does, however, is keep us frozen, stuck, or spinning our wheels.

I never acknowledged feeling fearful until I was about 40, and if you look at my younger life, some of the things I did were incredibly brave. But it wasn't until later in life, as a parent with children dependent on me for their own survival, that I acknowledged feeling fear.

It's amazing what we do out of fear, we run from relationships or we rush into them. We leave jobs, or we stay in them too long. Or we rage, which gives the energy not to be paralyzed, a "deer in headlights", but often ends up destroying that which we were fearful of losing.

And here's the thing - fear doesn't exist at the level of Consciousness.  It's totally a creation of the physical realm. It's your body and the attached personality that experiences fear.  Your body-personality reacts to anything that moves it beyond it's comfort zone as a threat. Even if it's good for you. Your body can't conceive of anything it hasn't experienced. So even if it's what it thinks it wants, it may not be able to handle it.

When you're aligned as Consciousness, your little will to your greater Will, then you're in total agreement with everything that is going on. In the present moment, there's total balance and
acceptance.

When you're in the present moment, fear dissipates. The body isn't being forced ahead of itself, nor is it stuck in a past that it cannot change. In the present moment you can make choices and take action, initiate changes.

You aren't your body or your personality. You are Consciousness, you are Presence. When you're fully embodied, your body can relax. You as Consciousness can take care of things, and knows exactly what to do.

And often you find, when you're in Presence, that you already have what you thought you needed, that you never lost that which you thought you'd die without.

Sexuality, Gender and Consciousness

Sexuality, Gender and Consciousness ©2015 Joan M. Newcomb

On our radio show, Conscious Conversations with Joan and Janet, the theme for February is about Love.  We started with emotions, then love, and our most recent show was on sexuality.

Emotions are the language of the body.  Consciousness only experiences joy.  Body/personality feels -and emits - a wide range of vibrations.  It expresses itself with emotion.  Babies cry when they're wet, they cry when they're tired, they cry when they're hungry.  As adults, our bodies do the same, they just have a wider 'vocabulary'.

Love is a heart-opening experience.  We can't truly love without being able to merge energies with another.  Consciousness IS Love with a capital L.  In searching for love, we're actually seeking to experience that greater, infinite connection with the Essence of who we all are.  In expressing Love we are giving from the greater aspect of ourselves.

Our sexual preference is more than a biological urge to procreate, although conception brings Love into form in the most physical way.  It's also about Love.  Attraction is both genetic and psychological.   Gender is about identification.

What is happening on the the planet is that the higher vibration of Consciousness is coming more into physical Form.  It's more than just increased energetic sunshine, it's also a greater inner resonance. As this brighter light emanates from within, it illuminates shadows, it disintegrates limitations.  Things are no longer black and white.  There's an entire spectrum available to us.

So now we have beings coming into form that don't identify with the sex characteristics of the body that they're inhabiting.  On one hand, this is confusing to me as I see our bodies as genetically designed for us.  As Consciousness we create our reality down to the smallest detail.

When I step back and observe from the perspective of Consciousness, I get greater understanding of what is going on.  On one level it looks possibly chemical - that there's so much added in our food and environment that it affects hormonal development. But on another level it's about the creativity of Consciousness.

As Consciousness we can create in the blink of an eye.  As Consciousness, thoughts instantaneously become form.  In the physical realm, manifestation is slowed down, things take time to change.  These infinitely capable and creative beings can't blink their eyes and shape shift after they've embodied here.

Another aspect of this is that as Consciousness everything is harmonious.  In form, we experience dichotomy and discomfort.  We create challenging situations for the fun of it. We come into difficult circumstances because, as Infinite beings, love the creative conundrum.

A voice in the back of my head asks why this should even *be* a problem.  As we radiate greater Consciousness, identity roles dissipate.  Our hearts are opening to more and more possibilities.  As we accept others right to choose, we're allowing more options for ourselves - in everything and anything in our lives.

Consciousness *is* Love. You are Consciousness. You ARE Love. You created your body from Love.  Love *is* the life force energy in everything.  Anything that doesn't appear loving, is the shadow side of Love.  Shine light on it and it will disappear or transform.

Here's a powerful exercise for this week.  Sit still and tune into yourself as Consciousness within.  Notice what it feels like.  Notice where in your body you feel it.  Imagine this energy increasing.  Feel it emanating outward.  Sit in this experience for as long as you feel like it.

The next step, after you've had some time to feel it from within, is to imagine it radiating to all aspects of your life.  Anywhere you experience conflict, see it being enveloped in this warmth and light.

You don't have to assign it the label of Love.  You don't have to love your enemies, love your stepmother, love your mortgage bank.  You just have to emanate this vibration of Consciousness to the situation or circumstance that includes these things.

It's best not to have preconceived notions about what you want to happen - that's placing limitations on the results.  Remain curious.  Miracles will happen when you do this!

Involution and Evolution

Involution and Evolution (c)2015 Joan M Newcomb

What direction are you headed? Are you looking for answers? Trying to get spiritual?
Do you feel like the answers are "out there"? That to access Consciousness, you have to go Up?
Do you need to accelerate, or try harder, to become more aware?

It's popular to say we are in the midst of an evolution of Consciousness, but in actuality it may be an involution of Consciousness.

Bodies evolve (I personally believe that dinosaurs were 'beta tests').  Physical bodies are vehicles for Consciousness. Human bodies have evolved over time, to be able to handle more of the higher vibration of Consciousness.

The denser the body, the more distant it feels from Consciousness.


Consciousness has been described as God, but even that is a disconnected view point.

Imagine yourself as Consciousness.  You create this planet of form, with your own focus.  You are life force, and your energy focuses into everything.

Every thousand years or so, your human body creations go through a growth spurt, and you're able to feel through them a bit more.

Three thousand years ago they perceived you as far away, and projected their fears and vengefulness at you.  Two thousand years ago there was a 'consciousness shift' that, from their perception, brought you closer.  You became a parental figure.

There's been another shift, and they're able to feel you within.  It's blowing their minds.

For you, it's a not exactly a coming inward, but a more focused concentration. 

In body, it feels like being enveloped in love.  Make that Love, with a capital L.  The body tingles.  Pain disappears.  It feels expansive.  It feels incredibly clear.  There's incredible gratitude, incredible appreciation, and an inner sense of Knowing.

How do you get there? How do you feel this more?

It's all about navigation.  If it feels negative or limiting, it's turning away.  If it feels joyous or expansive, it's turning towards.  Yet sometimes, body/personality has been hunched down for so long, it feels fearful about standing up, opening up.  Sometimes it's about breaking through, or breaking open.

It's more than just choosing your thoughts or redirecting your thinking. 

It's a simple as imagining.  Imagining You are Consciousness, focusing inward.  Uncomfortable thoughts or feelings come up, turn your full focus as Consciousness upon them.  Light dissolves shadow.

It takes practice, but it doesn't take very long. 

Take time every day to do this, be mindful of this throughout the day, and you will very shortly be transformed beyond your wildest dreams!

And Now For Something Completely Different

And Now For Something Completely Different ©2014 Joan M. Newcomb

Think of something you want in your life.  Is it a new (or renewed) relationship, a successful career, more money, less weight, better health?

How would You have to be different?

Go For It!

Look back on your life, have you ever had that thing that you want?  What did it feel like?  What changed when you didn't have it anymore?  Maybe you've never had it, it's always been just out of reach.

You keep saying, 'oh I just wish I had' more money, but reject suggestions on how to create it.  It's too hard, it would take too much effort, you'd "sell out to The Man".

"I wish I had a relationship" and yet everything about your life keeps people out rather than lets someone in.  Really sharing intimacy is scary.  Being alone is like living in a house with no mirrors.

You never lost that 'baby weight', or all women gain weight at menopause, or powerful men (or women) carry more weight.  Being thin feels vulnerable.  Being thin means unwanted attention.

Health patterns, body gets sick, body has pain, body feels discomfort.  It's always been that way, my dad had the same problem, it's genetic.  No matter how hard I try, I can't... (fill in the blank).

If you had what you wanted, what would you lose?  Maybe your partner wouldn't take care of you anymore?  Maybe you wouldn't attract someone in your life to take care of you?

Maybe people wouldn't like you anymore if you were (whatever it is)?  You'd lose your friends.

Rich people are unconscious.  Wealthy people just care about their money.  You can't be spiritual and prosperous.

I can want that thing, but I can't have it because...

Argue for your limitation, and they're yours (Richard Bach).  Just because something has always been that way, doesn't mean it can't be different.

In order to have what you want in your life, you have to change your core identification.  Start thinking of yourself as a thin person.  An abundant and generous person.  Someone in partnership.

What does success feel like?

A couple decades ago, Shirley Maclaine was on the Oprah Winfrey show.  Oprah made a comment about weight and Shirley looked at her and said, if you want to lose weight, you'll have to want everything to be different (or words to that effect).  After that, Oprah turned into a stick.  It was her first bout with weight loss, and it wasn't healthy.

Then Oprah moved into a phase of running marathons, her weight stabilized.  She was at a place of gaining power and strength, both in body and in her life.

Then Oprah radically put on weight again.  She shared about having thyroid problems.  She probably entered menopause.  What was also happening, she was developing a network station (beyond just her TV show).  Her weight ballooned as she expanded into this new aspect of power in her life.

Now she's had her network for a while, it looks like her weight is going back down.

Oprah's a wonderful example of changing her reality, and bringing up core issues we all struggle with.

Whatever is most elusive in your life, you are propelling away from you in your beliefs.  You may be comfortable in your discomfort.  Misery is familiar, joy is not.

At the end of an energy session, I tell people to 'notice what is different'.  If you go, well that didn't change anything, you've reset yourself back to the state you were in when you walked in the door.

Healthy people made different choices (about food, about lifestyle, about...).  People in relationship share their lives, make space for someone in their world.

If you've never had whatever it is you want, you may not know what it feels like.  Be willing to step into the unfamiliar.  Open yourself to being different.

You may be in a family system, or a constellation of friends, that support the way you are, but not something functional or healthy.  Be willing for the old to fall away.  Maybe you can be a shining example for others to follow!

What would it take for you to have what you want?  Are you willing to go to any length to be healthy?

Maybe people in your life actually want you to be happy, or to have what it is you desire.  Notice if you deflect other's suggestions.

You claim you want to be thinner, people only see you eating salads, but not the ice cream in the middle of the night.

You bemoan being poor but never follow through on those help wanted ads on Craigs List.  A little voice in your head sabotages your efforts.  Who needs enemies when your own thoughts are doing such a good job at holding you back?

You can be thin after menopause, you can be healthy and people still like you, you can have money and free time as well.

Changing your reality is as simple as shifting states.  Step to one side or another, and you've stepped into a parallel reality where that is possible.  Notice what is different.

Notice when the 'Automatic Negative Thoughts' come up, and ignore them.  Don't feed the ANTs with your attention.

Healthy food tastes better.  Good men (or women) aren't so hard to find.  There's a perfect job out there with a wonderful work environment.

Shift your focus and you'll see all the new possibilities.

Make one change in your routine, take a walk after dinner instead of watching tv.  Have fruit for dessert.

Imagine the world wanting your success.  Your attaining what you desire encourages others to have it as well.

Whatever transformation you want, Your expanded self already is there.  Step into that new reality.

If it's earning or working, be different with your time.  Catch yourself on your 'time wasters' and spend 15 minutes tackling something on your 'to do' list.

If it's money, be different with your spending.  Start tracking your numbers, save receipts, look at where you are leaking money.  Clarity can be a big relief.

If it's food, write down everything you eat.  Make different choices.  Stop drinking anything with calories.  Choose water or tea with lemon.

If it's relationship, notice whether (or where) you hang out with other people.  If all you date are alcoholics, stop hanging out in bars!  Meet people for coffee rather than drinks!

Is there room in your life for someone, or is half of your bed piled high with books?

Yes, you've heard this all before, but nothing changes if you change nothing.  Stop spinning your wheels.

"The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off!" (Gloria Steinem)

Perhaps you have to get angry to get out of your rut!

Sometimes we claim we want something, and it's actually something else we really desire.  What would make you happy?

The Universe wants to give you what you're asking for.  Can you have it?

The Pow in Power

The Pow in Power ©2014 Joan M. Newcomb

Years ago, when I was in my 20's, I got into a conversation with an old man (who must have been in his 40's).  I was taking a women's meditation class, and I said to him, 'women have twice as much energy as men'!

He responded with a story about how he'd been able to push someone across the room with the force of energy from his hands.

And there you have it.

What I'd learned in my class was that female bodies generate twice as much energy as men.  They're biologically programmed to create entire other bodies.

He'd heard it as twice a powerful, and told a story of how he was able to exert external power.

Two different perspectives on how to use energy.

Women can create bodies from within their bodies, for another being.  There's a natural merging that occurs for a few years, while the being figures out how to operate the new body.  But at some point that being gets to move forward without help.

Energy held within your own space (regardless of the gender of your body) is more energetically powerful than energy focused outside your space, into someone else's space.

It's easy to think that someone with external influence is more powerful.  Someone who is very loud, will seem to have control over the environment.  People who 'throw energy' can appear powerful when you're on the receiving end of their whack.

Inner power is often not recognized by those involved with external power games.  It appears as a soft power.

Inner power is strength and stability.  It is having your own authority and seniority around those playing games.

It is holding your own power while giving space to others going through difficult times, in "weakened" positions.

Sometimes the most powerful action is not using your power at all.

Things to think about as we move forward into this New Year and time.