Hitting Bottom

Hitting Bottom ©2016 Joan M. Newcomb, CPC

Sometimes your face has to hit the pavement before you turn around and look up.

Sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better.

We're watching a group of people imploding because what they believe is true and real, is not. What they think is powerful, is not. They have no true foundation, so what they are building cannot last.

It's scary to consider they could take the rest of us with them.

But maybe reality has to get just that insane, before we reclaim our power from it.

Do we have to step back and let it self destruct?

Non resistance is the most powerful form of protection. It's when your energy is so light, so transparent, that negative energy passes right through.

Non resistance has also been a powerful tool for social change. Perhaps we need to access our inner Gandhi, our inner Martin Luther King.

In non resisting, we don't feed the madness, we don't participate with crazy.

When you have a loved one who's an addict or alcoholic, you have to step aside as they are bottoming out. They need the consequences of their own actions. If you're not going down with them, they can't blame you for their bottom. But you can be there for them as they're climbing back out.

It's a different story when you're dealing with a narcissist or abuser. There's similar denial when you are entwined in their story, but it's not as clean cut to detach and step aside. There's no bottoming out for them. They're focused on taking you out first.

The most dangerous time for someone in a domestic violence situation is when they are about to leave or have just left. That's when they get killed. The abuse may have only been emotional or threatening before.

If an abuser is leaving, he created a campaign to assassinate your character. He spreads rumors, "she's so cold and unfeeling," "I'm leaving because of her mental cruelty" (when those adjectives really describe himself).

The best way to unfriend a narcissist is to ghost them. To slowly evaporate from their lives. Otherwise they'll do a similar campaign.

In leaving an abuser you have to have a plan. Know where you are going, a safe environment, supportive people. It may take months, secreting money away, a suitcase of clothes, learning the legal implications and prepare for possible reactions.

Narcissists and abusers are extremely resistant to therapy. Narcissists are unable to look at themselves. Abusers feel entitled to treat people the way they do. They'll pretend to respond to treatment and then revert back to their old behaviors the moment they have you back.

When I do the Skybox technique for this current reality, I look down at the field and it's a riot in a rugby match. Players and fans rolling in the mud, the coaches and even the refs standing on the sidelines, arms folded.

Patterns are rising to the surface with the intent to clear and people are getting entangled in them.

I look for the lightbringers and they are dots in the darkness. They seem to be underground, yet creating a network of light.

The information I can access from the Skybox is that, although as players we may feel powerless over the situation, over other people, places and things, it is time to get in touch with out internal power.

As Consciousness we are infinitely powerful. How we hold our own amidst this chaos is to center into our internal power.

As we each do that, it changes the landscape.

When I move up to the Goodyear Blimp, to get a broader perspective, I see the patterns breaking up faster than anticipated. Those in archaic power structures scrambling to get what they can before it all disappears.

When I focus on areas of the field from this higher viewpoint, I can clear those sections. It gives me a sense of power (and knowing where the power comes from, my highest self, not my player self).

I bring that awareness down to the Skybox and it helps me looking down at the scrimmage on the field. I can see the lightbringers walking inbetween the players bashing each other, recognize the actions being taken to restore harmony to the field. It is the ultimate in non-resistance, not engaging with the fight energy but focusing bringing a different vibration to the whole.

I decide to join them, going down first to the sidelines, where I hear the coaches and refs talking. What I thought was inaction is really discussion and planning. Empowered movement is intended.

You can do this for yourself, for your situation. Go up to the Skybox and view your life from the bigger picture and gain wisdom from your higher self. You can bring it back with you in order to respond rather than react, and make choices and take action from more empowered stance.

I'm very curious to see what unfolds in the next few weeks.

Truth, Toxic Patterns, and Train Wrecks

Truth, Toxic Patterns, and Train Wrecks ©2014 Joan M. Newcomb

Some say we can never go home again.  But we can always revisit old, familiar situations.  The challenge is to dip down into the pattern, and come back up again without getting entangled!

It helps to remember that they're just energy.  It's when we believe that they're real we get stuck in them. 

Here's what I'm remembering, from my most recent 'dip down':

A couple of decades ago I was involved with a cocaine addict.  I started going to Al-Anon, and a year later the addict quit using and went into recovery.  Then I discovered addiction showing up in my work place, and then my church at the time.  Sometimes I'd realize I was in a toxic situation by my reaction to it, the alcoholic or addict not becoming evident until later.

I learned that it wasn't the person who was addicted, but the energy patterns that I was responding to.  

One thing I learned was that often the addict seems fine, but people around them are bouncing off the walls and foaming at the mouth.  It's because the people around them are experiencing the painful situation unmedicated.

People who grow up in alcoholic households can become extremely controlling, because they're trying to make their environment safe (having grown up in out-of-control homes).  Or people who grow up in addictive households will act like alcoholics without actually being chemically dependent.  

It's different when you've come from an abusive background.  You can have a parent who is alcoholic and yet know that they love you.  Your parent (or partner) can be an addict, but they don't verbally or physically abuse you.  It still messes with your head, because their focus is going towards their drug of choice.  You're not receiving their full attention, or you feel crazy from their lies.

Abusers are a different story.  They make you feel like it's your fault they're abusing you  Alcoholics at least can hit bottom and recover and make amends.  Abusers hardly ever recover, they feel entitled to treat their partners and children the way they do.  

When an abuser leaves, they set up a pre-emptive strike, they make themselves the victim.

It's especially crazy-making when they go on to reinvent themselves as the most wonderful and loving person in the world - and that new world believes them.  The abuse continues by treating the previous family members with contempt, as second class citizens, the new partner unwittingly enables the abuser by believing their version of history.

It's different than when an alcoholic recovers and goes on to live a life of sobriety.  They can become the most wonderful and loving person in the world, but they acknowledge their past, have made amends.  (And, admittedly, there are alcoholics that haven't made amends, so their new life isn't emotionally or mentally clean and sober).

How the hell do you recover from all of that?

It takes a lot of light.

Distance helps.  Detachment helps. Recovery helps.  Therapy helps.  Spiritual practice helps.  Speaking your truth, standing in your own light.

I've been out of active alcoholic patterns for a lot of years.  I've been away from abusers (and narcissists, while we're at it), for years as well.  I've been focusing on my own path, on the leading edge of Consciousness, evolving, shining light.

Of course, as you grow, move forward, you uncover new layers of things.  When you're remodeling your spiritual house, you'll find stuff within the walls, even the structure, that require updating.

You create opportunities to clear, you step yourself into experiences to illuminate what needs to change.

I remember when I took a strong step away from the pattern of alcoholism, and this was after a decade of Al-Anon, I had an amazing Spiritual Awakening.  I felt in Love with God, in Love with my life, and in Love with myself (in that order).  Even though I still had the same challenges with being a single parent and keeping a roof over our heads, I was in this highly conscious state, able to come back to center.

This feeling recurred a few years later, when I identified a new issue, stepping away from a new addictive pattern. This time I was in Love with mySelf, in Love with my life, and in Love with God (in that order).  

So.  Something new is happening, I haven't fully identified it.  I could say that I'm moving to 4D, but in reality we are all already there.  

I think we've all shifted to a new level of Consciousness, we're all running a higher vibration, and what doesn't match that vibration in our bodies or our lives is disintegrating. 

An opportunity to live more in integrity with our values?

As we're at this higher vibration, we may dip down into older patterns, but it's not useful to wrestle with them.  Shine light on them.  Speak your Truth and step back.  Be in your own authority and seniority.  

Wave bye-bye to the chunks of patterns as they fall away.  Stand in your own Light (it feels better there, anyway).