Showing posts with label Domestic Violence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Domestic Violence. Show all posts

Friday, December 9, 2016

Hitting Bottom

Hitting Bottom ©2016 Joan M. Newcomb, CPC

Sometimes your face has to hit the pavement before you turn around and look up.

Sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better.

We're watching a group of people imploding because what they believe is true and real, is not. What they think is powerful, is not. They have no true foundation, so what they are building cannot last.

It's scary to consider they could take the rest of us with them.

But maybe reality has to get just that insane, before we reclaim our power from it.

Do we have to step back and let it self destruct?

Non resistance is the most powerful form of protection. It's when your energy is so light, so transparent, that negative energy passes right through.

Non resistance has also been a powerful tool for social change. Perhaps we need to access our inner Gandhi, our inner Martin Luther King.

In non resisting, we don't feed the madness, we don't participate with crazy.

When you have a loved one who's an addict or alcoholic, you have to step aside as they are bottoming out. They need the consequences of their own actions. If you're not going down with them, they can't blame you for their bottom. But you can be there for them as they're climbing back out.

It's a different story when you're dealing with a narcissist or abuser. There's similar denial when you are entwined in their story, but it's not as clean cut to detach and step aside. There's no bottoming out for them. They're focused on taking you out first.

The most dangerous time for someone in a domestic violence situation is when they are about to leave or have just left. That's when they get killed. The abuse may have only been emotional or threatening before.

If an abuser is leaving, he created a campaign to assassinate your character. He spreads rumors, "she's so cold and unfeeling," "I'm leaving because of her mental cruelty" (when those adjectives really describe himself).

The best way to unfriend a narcissist is to ghost them. To slowly evaporate from their lives. Otherwise they'll do a similar campaign.

In leaving an abuser you have to have a plan. Know where you are going, a safe environment, supportive people. It may take months, secreting money away, a suitcase of clothes, learning the legal implications and prepare for possible reactions.

Narcissists and abusers are extremely resistant to therapy. Narcissists are unable to look at themselves. Abusers feel entitled to treat people the way they do. They'll pretend to respond to treatment and then revert back to their old behaviors the moment they have you back.

When I do the Skybox technique for this current reality, I look down at the field and it's a riot in a rugby match. Players and fans rolling in the mud, the coaches and even the refs standing on the sidelines, arms folded.

Patterns are rising to the surface with the intent to clear and people are getting entangled in them.

I look for the lightbringers and they are dots in the darkness. They seem to be underground, yet creating a network of light.

The information I can access from the Skybox is that, although as players we may feel powerless over the situation, over other people, places and things, it is time to get in touch with out internal power.

As Consciousness we are infinitely powerful. How we hold our own amidst this chaos is to center into our internal power.

As we each do that, it changes the landscape.

When I move up to the Goodyear Blimp, to get a broader perspective, I see the patterns breaking up faster than anticipated. Those in archaic power structures scrambling to get what they can before it all disappears.

When I focus on areas of the field from this higher viewpoint, I can clear those sections. It gives me a sense of power (and knowing where the power comes from, my highest self, not my player self).

I bring that awareness down to the Skybox and it helps me looking down at the scrimmage on the field. I can see the lightbringers walking inbetween the players bashing each other, recognize the actions being taken to restore harmony to the field. It is the ultimate in non-resistance, not engaging with the fight energy but focusing bringing a different vibration to the whole.

I decide to join them, going down first to the sidelines, where I hear the coaches and refs talking. What I thought was inaction is really discussion and planning. Empowered movement is intended.

You can do this for yourself, for your situation. Go up to the Skybox and view your life from the bigger picture and gain wisdom from your higher self. You can bring it back with you in order to respond rather than react, and make choices and take action from more empowered stance.

I'm very curious to see what unfolds in the next few weeks.


Friday, October 14, 2016

Denial and Delusion

Denial and Delusion ©2016 Joan M. Newcomb, CPC

It's been a painful week. I think the majority of people (at least in the US, but I suspect it is showing up in different forms around the world) are suffering major post traumatic stress.

This has been coming in waves throughout the year, although it's been going on for longer. I'm certain there's an astrological explanation, maybe the Pluto-Uranus square, whatever.
Sunrise on Sea, photograph by Bogdan Giuşcă,Romania

We've had increasing light shone on things that we are no longer tolerating. Bigotry, racism, sexism, misogyny, abuse, assault...

The debates were traumatizing, watching someone point fingers and accuse the other person of the very things they had actually done or said, that they were currently on trial for. The abuser always accuses others, making themselves out to be the victim. Crazy making behavior.

Denial is strong. Someone claimed that God was going to work through their flawed candidate. Perhaps God sent him to bring all this up, not to have him in office?

People denying things said on tape, and on video. People living in delusion, lying to themselves.

This time, however, the pushback is strong. Women speaking out about unacceptable behavior, sharing their stories of assault.

You could feel the collective rising up of the issue, bringing the hidden to light.

But what really struck me was the men standing up in outrage, they don't say things like that, they don't treat women that way, they don't think that way.

Really?

Little chinks of old patterns started falling away inside myself.

There are men in this world who treat women with respect. Men who are naturally faithful. Men who are loving to their daughters.

Who knew?

This is a time when the Truth is coming to the surface. Not 'truths' people tell themselves, but the light of Truth is coming in and dislodging whatever is the opposite.

For survivors of any kind of violence, observing the gas lighting by an abuser, the stories his supporters are telling, is excruciating.

If you were hit without warning, or verbally berated as a child, that was abuse. That was domestic violence.

For those of us that grew up in households like that, coming out of denial is quite painful. There's a huge 'no talk' rule. Those who speak up are blamed instead.

For people who are comfortable sitting in the dark, the light hurts their eyes. Something is wrong with the light bringers.

This isn't stopping however. We're in an evolutionary shift. The light will continue to increase. We will continue to grow in awareness.

As we experience ourselves as Consciousness, pain will be replaced with love. Constriction will be replaced with expansion. We will breathe easier. We will stand taller.

It will be okay for us all to be in the light, and take up space.