Playing Hooky From Life

Playing Hooky From Life ©2018 Joan M. Newcomb, CPC

The Truant's Log, R Hedley 1899'

When I was five, we moved to England. We hadn't found a school for me when my brothers went off to their new institutions in late August. I remember pulling the curtains in the living room in the day time so the truant officers couldn't see me playing hooky.

Now, there probably weren't truant officers in England, in the same way there were ones in the U.S. And I probably was only out of school for maybe a week, before I was enrolled in a girl's private school. I was five, and starting kindergarten probably wasn't as important as getting my brothers into appropriate middle and high schools.

Looking back, that whole experience was a huge shift in reality. I wasn't playing hooky, I was transitioning from one universe to another one. From suburban Maryland to the city of London. From running through backyards barefoot, to school uniforms and lace up shoes.

When I was fifteen, I lived in Canada. The teachers went on strike for 3 months in the middle of my grade 10. I wasn't exactly playing hooky during that time, as school wasn't happening. But I learned there were options and choices.

It was another huge shift in reality. It disrupted my path. If that hadn't happened, I would have gone in an obedient pattern through high school and college. Instead, after 2 1/2 years of high school, I went to college early. After 2 semesters of college, I went back to London at 18 and auditioned for drama school. I spent a year in drama school before being culled, moved back to the States... eventually ending up in a Mystery School in Seattle which set me on my true life path.

The point of this isn't my education. The point is about playing hooky from life, taking a break from expectations of what we're supposed to do so that we can reflect on what we want to do. So that we can make choices and take actions as greater Consciousness rather than just responding to what we "should" be doing.

These shoulds, these expectations, these supposed tos, are so deeply ingrained, they're invisible to us. We can't see how we're running off patterns that were installed generations back.

Sometimes it seems like life creates a pattern interrupt, moving you to a different country and culture, or distrupting a school year, setting into motion a series of events that puts you on a different life and career path than you thought possible.

And you can create your own breaks, whether it's a day a week or longer. To stop doing your regular routine and what's expected of you. To get your head clear to know what your heart is calling you to do. How your Essence wants to be expressed in this world. What you as Consciousness wants to experience instead.

We are scared to do this because it feels like our whole life may collapse, and we'll lose parts that are important to us. Yet when we do this as Consciousness, it can result in a gentle rearranging of reality, or finding your life falls into place more perfectly that you can imagine.

My experience of embodying Consciousness is that it's a lot less painful than forcing yourself to conform so that your parents can understand your choices, for example.

Consciousness is much more benevolent than society. Take a day off and discover how munificent this Universe really is.

Freedom From Want

Freedom From Want ©2017 Joan M. Newcomb,

Yesterday was Thanksgiving, the start of a month's worth of expectations. That family and friends should be gathering, that there should be an abundance of food and gifts. That everyone is supposed to be warm and loving to each other.

Freedom From Want by Norman Rockwell

My family of origin lived up to those expectations for the first fifteen years of my life, until the patterns started to break down. And we had pretty high expectations. My great-uncle Jim McCabe is in the iconic Norman Rockwell painting.

My early memories are of grand holiday meals, although we lived overseas most of those years so sometimes we had goose instead of turkey.

The family started shattering when I was sixteen, and I maybe initiated, contributed or reflected that shattering... I was hospitalized for depression in an adolescent ward of a mental hospital during the holidays that year.

The next year, I just remembered, I had Thanksgiving with my great-uncle's family in Connecticut (after visiting him in Vermont). I was in college and my parents were in Sweden. My father left my mother shortly afterwards; I really don't remember any Thanksgivings with them after that.

As an adult I tried gamely to create holiday meals like the ones I'd had in my early childhood. But the family I created broke apart when my kids were little. Since their father was a gourmet chef and I had never cooked a turkey, I wrote it into the parenting plan that they spent every "big meal" day with him. I had no idea that it set me up to be alone for all those holidays.

At some point my kids learned from their cousins that they got two Thanksgivings. The cousins would see both sets of parents on the same day. Since my culinary skills couldn't match their father's, I had our Thanksgiving meal the Sunday before, which both spared it the competition and meant they'd eaten my leftovers before they went to their dad's for the remaining part of the week.

Every Thanksgiving for years, I was always scrambling to be "adopted" somewhere to eat with other people. It was always a painful and lonely time.

When I remarried, our first Thanksgiving together, my mother in law was insulted because I had my husband and her work on the turkey. After that, we'd go out for Chinese food instead.

When you look at Thanksgiving from the perspective of Consciousness, you see the tangles of expectations and dysfunctional patterns that actually create separation and lack.

You can be with family and a lot of food, and if it's filled with assumptions and craziness, you will feel far removed from any sense of connection and abundance.

Thanksgiving isn't about the big meal. It isn't about the gathering of family and friends. It isn't even necessarily about gratitude. As Consciousness, it's about appreciation.

Appreciation is the neutral form gratitude, because it's coming from the creator sense rather than the recipient. As we exist as Consciousness and in body, we can experience both, but it's important to note the difference. Gratitude implies thankfulness for or from something outside of yourself. Appreciation acknowledges and enjoys the creation. Which can even be the creation of chaos and discord.

When you shift your perspective from your body/personality self, to you as Consciousness, you know you already have all that you desire.

As Consciousness there is no separation. You are always connected, even with loved ones who have passed. As Consciousness there is no lack, because Consciousness is the Source of all creation. As Consciousness there is no discord, because Consciousness is essentially love.

This year, my husband and I are at that mid point, where our parents are passed, and our adult children don't yet have offspring of their own. One son is in Spain; we won't see him until Easter. Another is on Vashon, with his Dad. We'll do our meal on Sunday (I now cook salmon instead).

I'm appreciative that I have good relationships with both my kids and my husband. I get to create new patterns rather than passing on historical ones.

This holiday season, when you feel yourself entangled in the insanity, take a moment to shift your perspective (this might require stepping out of the room). View it all from Consciousness, appreciate this playground of a planet, and notice how your reality transforms!

What Is Dying In Your Life?

What Is Dying In Your Life? ©2016 Joan M. Newcomb, CPC

This has been a long, hard year for many people. And we've had some significant deaths, as well. With the recent unexpected passings, I've joked that David Bowie and Prince are hosting one heck of a Sky Party.

And for those of us who are staying in our bodies, there have been other kinds of loss. If it hasn't been material, or in relationship, it's been within ourselves. Perhaps our world view has changed, or an aspect of our identity has gone. Perhaps we have lost hope, or inspiration.

Chinese Opera, by Nova

In the last couple of months some of these have been sudden and unexpected. We're in shock, as well as grief.

For months now, I have been aware of an impending death in my life, and am not clear what it is. I've been rebuilding since 2013 (the year I helped both parents die, and also my dog, lost my uncle, my house, and my business effectively shut down).

I've also been aware of being at a tipping point, a sense of about to dive in, all-or-nothing. Which doesn't entirely make sense to me, since I've always been resolutely committed to my work, which is my purpose and calling in life.

What this reminds me of, is when I did psychic readings and looked at people's futures. Sometimes their future self would be right there on the timeline, pointing out what was going to happen. At other times, the timeline would disappear into a fog.

I had two interpretations for this image. One was that the person wasn't meant to see what was coming up, they were supposed to stay in the present moment, otherwise they'd try to skip steps to achieve it. The other was that the future was still being written, it was still being designed.

I sense it is the latter for me. I am letting go of expectations and assumptions. Releasing effort, trying hard. It's been several years of a lot of action, of running around giving it away, trying to reach as many people as possible. It feels like things are changing, my focus is narrowing to those who can show up and have the information.  It feels like a return to creativity as well. I've had a couple books that have been waiting years to come out; perhaps 2017 is a time they will be birthed!

So what is dying for you? What is going away?

Collectively, I think we've moved to a new level of Consciousness, so anything of a denser vibration no longer exists in this new reality.

We can use this time to our advantage, to actively release that which we may perceive as dragging or holding us back. Perhaps you've been struggling with something for a long time. You can leave it in 2016, and let 2017 be a different Universe for you.

You don't have to know the solution, or the answer. You just have to step into the space where it exists.

You may find that you haven't lost anything at all (anything of significance is always stored in Consciousness) and instead gain a whole new world!

Mystic Minute: When the SHOULD hits the fan!

Expectations

Expectations
©2011 Joan M. Newcomb  

The moment I came up with today's Ezine Essay, a mischievous side of me emerged.  Like, don't send an Ezine out at all!  Write something outrageous.  Do something unexpected!

  

I think it's my Expanded Self giving me the antidote to Expectations.

  

I've been writing about the roller coaster ride with my Mom that I've been on since April.  First she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.  Then it became necessary to drop everything to be with her.  I can't really say that I've moved, since I've been living out of 2 suitcases since June 29th.

A month ago she fell and fractured part of her pelvis.  We ended up in the hospital for 18 days.  I say "we" because, with Alzheimer's, she couldn't be alone.  A cancer patient knows where they are and why they're there.  

An Alzheimer's person is constantly surprised by everything.  Why can't she roll out of bed in the middle of the night and pee in her "chamber pot"?  An Alz. person won't know to ring the call button & wait for a nurse to show up to help her to the commode.

In the hospital they discovered 'a spot on her lung', and did a biopsy.  (Actually, they did many CT Scans, Xrays, an MRI and then a biopsy.  They love their machines)!

The results weren't in before we were discharged and I decided not to find out right away.  I didn't want to get on the cancer roller coaster until after she'd recovered a bit from the fracture.

Soooo.  I discover I do okay as long as I don't have expectations.  When I've gotten REALLY pissed off with siblings, it's because I expect them to "get it" and "come through for me".  However, they're not here so how could they really know or understand?

Expectations make things more difficult.  I'll get upset with myself for being upset.  ??  Just because I'm psychic, just because I've had decades of personal growth, just because I've lived through challenging times before, I should breeze through this?

Expectations are perfect pictures.  It's viewing the experience through lenses of perfection, and then judging the hell of it because it doesn't match.

I'm not a natural nurturer (like my mother was).  I was always more of a trail blazer mom.  I'd spend money taking my kids on trips, giving them adventures and life experiences, rather than on material things.  I'd encourage their independence and let them go on their 'road trip of life' (while their dad would bake them cookies for care packages and phone every day).

So here I am being my mother's care taker and I still want to charge ahead and take her with me.  Ironic, since Alzheimer's makes one's world smaller and smaller.

But I'm the right person for the job.  It was interesting bumping up against the hospital's expectations.  They were used to injured and medicated patients, not someone who would walk out to the nurses station, question every medication and protest unnecessary interruptions. (jezus why don't they let patients sleep?? Isn't it necessary for their recovery?)

Dorothy's going to need an advocate and defender as much as a healer.

But who knows?  We'll find out the biopsy results next week.  Could be nothing, could be something.  The next steps will unfold from there.

This week, catch your own expectations.  Turn them upside down and inside out.  See what happens when you do!

Christmas Sanity

(c) 2009 Joan M. Newcomb

A common question people ask me is how to handle someone who's driving you crazy.  There's the woman who's brother-in-law is always over at their place, working on their machines (and messing them up).  He owed them money and her husband, although vexed, never asked to be paid back.

Then there's the elderly man who's adult child and spouse moved in with him and have taken over the house.

Or the employee who's coworker is so toxic, she chased off his predecessor.  She's nasty to everyone but perfect on the details of her job, so the bosses look the other way.

And many who are visiting relatives for the holidays who, much as they love them, cannot stand to be around them for very long.

 The common theme I found when looking at each of these situations was - conflicting assumptions and expectations.

The woman expected her brother-in-law to be responsible and accountable, although he's never shown any evidence of being capable of it!  She's expecting her husband to set boundaries even though he never has in all the years they've been married.

The elderly man's children assume they are being helpful by cooking all the meals (of foods he doesn't eat).  He expects them to clean the bathroom after they use it.  Nobody's telling anybody their preferences or asking for anything different.

The employee expects the coworker to be professional in her communication and opinions. (And expects his workplace *not* to be dysfunctional!)

And we have *loads* of expectations and assumptions about our relatives (and ourselves)!

For one thing, we can't assume we know where the other person is coming from.  People have funny ways of dealing with their feelings during the holiday.  Someone who is grieving inwardly may be angry outwardly.  Someone who is fearful may act controlling.

We can't assume people will act the way we do.  They may not have years of therapy or learned to talk about their feelings.  We can't expect them to know what we're thinking or what we want.

However, just as it's a mistake to assume someone's behavior will miraculously change since the last time we saw them, it's also a mistake to think someone we haven't seen for years will be the same as before.  We go back to the family reunion with a chip on our shoulder and discover that Uncle Pat quit drinking three years before and has become humble and kind.

We also have expectations of ourselves, to remain normal in the face of everyone else's projections and assmuptions!

We can you do to maintain (or regain) sanity in the midst of all this holiday havoc?

Try to have a sense of humor about everything.  When you get into a space of amusement, you have a fighting chance of not being sucked into the drama.  As you gather with family, imagine yourself to be in comedy movie.  When you go to work, reframe it as a sitcom rather than a soap opera.  Recast those key members and different characters in your mind.  This gives you a chance to detach, to step out of the story line.

It's amazing what happens when you have no expectations.  You have more space to be yourself.  Others have more space to be themselves.  They may still be nutcases, but they don't bother you any more.

You intuitively know when to speak up for yourself and when to quietly turn your attention elsewhere.  You let other's comments roll off your back.

It takes practice, of course.  Try this for the next week (but don't expect perfection) and see what happens!