(c) 2011 Joan M Newcomb
We're going into Christmas, which brings up all sorts of childhood "stuff". Family dynamics arise and suddenly you're viewing things through memories, as if you were a little kid again.
There's a card in the Transformation Game® that poses "What if you were bigger than [your problem]"? It's a helpful inquiry.
Asking yourself this when facing something overwhelming, accesses your Expanded self, the Essence of Who You Are. Suddenly You *are* bigger than the dilemma in front of you. Other choices and responses become apparent. Your body calms down, because You are there.
Then there's the saying "be the bigger man", for when You choose the high road, or are the more magnanimous party in a disagreement. You have to step above the need to be right, your own struggle and emotion and victimstance - you have to be the grown up.
I hate that. I'd really like someone else to be bigger than right now. I'd like someone to cut *me* some slack, give *me* a break, step up to the plate for me, be my grown up.
And it ain't happening. They are in their own story, their own stress, their own reasons.
In truth, no one can be bigger than You, unless you make yourself very, very small.
This is different than being ill or incapacitated, and having someone help you, or allowing someone to give you a hand. It's pretty neat to notice who shows up in such circumstances. The greater You created challenges, and created support as well. It's just not always the support you expected.
You can't make others the grown up even if they're older than you. You, at any moment, are at choice, to be bigger, or smaller, or greater, or lesser. Even around your parents!
Believe me, it's a lot less painful to be the bigger person. Being the grown up is far more empowering than the other way around.
It doesn't mean you don't feel the injustice, or that you have to numb out. You as Essence can parent yourself. You can let the part of you that is hurting be that way, and You can step forward to respond to whatever is going on.
It's comforting for your inner child, your smaller self, your wounded one, to know You are in charge. Put your smaller self in the back seat (where car seats are legally supposed to be), and let your Adult Self do the driving.
Remember this as you go into this weekend's events, and you'll have a much more enjoyable time!