©2012 Joan M. Newcomb
Many years ago I was in an unhappy marriage. I used to regularly fantasize being in a different relationship. I would imagine meeting the new person and tell them how tragically my first husband died.
At some point I realized I was projecting the energy of dying towards him! So I made a conscious effort to *stop* all those thoughts. Shortly afterwards, it came to light that he was addicted to cocaine, so in a sense had been slowly killing himself all those years.
What I also realilze now is that while I was "checked out" in fantasy, I was not fully engaged and bringing energy into my life and marriage. When I stopped, I brought my full attention into my space. It "turned on the lights", revealing what had been hidden. I'd been in denial about how creepy the energy had been between us, checking out instead of bringing it to the surface to clear.
Checking out, or fantasizing, is wasted creative energy. What you repeatedly visualize can come into form. If you're running a litany of complaints and 'poor me's in your head, you perpetuate the things you're whinging about. If you're fantasizing about other people romantically, you're actually projecting the energy of infidelity into your relationship.
You have the powerful ability to manifest, *if* you direct your focus, and not scatter it.
I first started meditating when I was 22. It was an "in-body" meditation, where I'd focus on connecting to the Earth and centering. Up until then I'd spent most of my time in fantasy, whih meant energetically I was floating above my head rather than focused in my body.
It's not an effective way to navigate your reality. It's a little like trying to drive your car while sitting on the roof.
Also, you drive in the direction your thoughts take you. If you spend your time judging your neighbor, you'll drive on their lawn. Or experience their reality - how fun is that?
If you spend your time imaging a sympathetic audience listening to your litany of "poor me's" then you'll continue creating situations where you feel victimized.
There's a difference between focusing on a positive reality and being in denial about your current situation. You need to acknowledge and accept (or not resist) where you currently are, in order to make change. Being in denial is being disconnected (=steering your car from the roof, with no steering wheel).
Acceptance isn't succumbing to or giving in to or even approving of whatever is going on. Your husband is cheating on you? Your cat has cancer? Your company's merged with MegaCorp and you'll be the first to go? All great indications to take action. You can't take action if you're pretending everything is just fine.
This doesn't mean trying to control every finite detail of your world. You can hold positive thoughts for the best outcome, without determining what that may be, and let reality surprise you.
But the first step is to notice your own mindset. Notice what you think about all day long. Notice what you do to zone out. Once you see where you disconnect, make a change (in the moment it happens). Figuratively, grab yourself by your ears and redirect your thinking. Count your blessings, start a gratitude list, imagine doors opening to infinite possibilities.
Next, take some action, however small. Research websites on surviving infidelity. Switch your cat's food to all organic, raw meat. Email all your friends in other companies your resume.
That's all it takes. Step one, step two, step one, step two... pretty soon you've navigated to a brand new world!
Try this for a week and see how your life transforms!