Shame ©2008 Joan M. Newcomb
Oh, I don’t want to write this article – just the idea of it makes me uncomfortable. I publish this e-zine not only to share my ideas with the world, but also in the hopes of attracting clients. I’m afraid that people will reject me if I present what I’ve experienced about this subject. However, when the topic arises (in this case, three times in recent succession) it is obvious that the Universe is prodding me to talk about it.
Shame is the gift that keeps on giving – it permeates generations and societies. It’s also the blanket that blocks the Light – one’s own Source Energy and ability to create. Shame tells you that you are not okay, not loveable, nor worthy, that your actions and ideas are wrong, that you are less than what you truly are. Which is a big, fat lie, to put it less than poetically. You *are* Source Energy, you *are* Light, you are *Buddha*, you *are* a Christed Being, you *are* at your very essence, Love.
This playground that we call the World is a planet of possibilities and a planet of dichotomies. We come from an existence that is pure ecstatic energy to learn about manifesting through physical form, which involves density, effort, emotions (other than Joy), time and space, good and bad, all of which does not exist in the non-physical, spiritual realm. Spirit has no ethics, no good or bad, so whatever we create is a valuable learning experience. Shame included.
It occurs to me that shame is a part of our Spiritual Merit Badges. I’ve mentioned before that we have Social Merit Badges – the right house, the right spouse, the right job, the right car, etc. and we have Spiritual Merit Badges based on our life experiences, what has given us depth, has helped us to grow. Often things that give us Spiritual Merit Badges have to do with the loss of Social ones, and to those that are caught up in the pursuit of Social Merit Badges, Spiritual ones are invisible. There’s a tremendous amount of judgment attached to not having Social Merit Badges and to going through the experience of gaining Spiritual Merit Badges – and that’s where shame comes in.
I've struggled with shame a great deal over the last decade - my first marriage revealed many deceptions that led us into a great deal of debt. When I left, I lost everything (or so I thought then); most notably, the house where my children were born. We live in an affluent area and it was very difficult as a single parent struggling to make ends meet.
This shame is quite small in comparison to others on my list of Merit Badges I’ve accumulated in this lifetime. Some of it was gifted me by others – my father was abusive and adulterous and yet was the prime bestower of shame in our family. His emotional and verbal abuse was so severe that psychiatrists recommended that I not live at home when I was 16.
Some of my shame was created by my own choices and actions or non-actions. There have been times in my life where I’ve been on food stamps and have had to go to the Food Bank to feed my growing boys – poverty is steeped with shame. Shame causes one to work below the radar – which is not altogether a bad thing. Because of this inherent feeling of not knowing how to live in this world, I’ve made alternative choices in my life, which has stretched and grown me as an individual.
Shame can be quite paralyzing – one feels unable to move forward in life and career, it’s difficult to make eye contact, and makes it painful to be seen. It is so hard to talk about, and yet the only way to de-energize it is to bring it to light.
We have the ability to release shame and to completely change our reality. It starts with becoming aware that there is only Light, and resistance to Light. We can choose to be in alignment, that is standing in the stream of Well-Being, of this Light or – not. Realizing that it’s not about anyone else, just you and You, your Source, you can let go of what the rest of Society is projecting, what your government is doing, what people may be whispering. They’re Light, too, and their resistance is totally up to them.
When I bring my focus inward to my own Light Source, then it changes my vibration, which then changes what I’m emitting outward, and also what I’m attracting into my life. Suddenly I’m no longer in situations that cause shame and no longer hanging out with people who judge. I can re-frame my perception of reality; choose better-feeling thoughts, which leads to an increasing sense of serenity and even joy. This is the way to truly change the world – imagine the power of each of us emanating well-being, self acceptance, and love!
I started doing this consistently last summer and it lifted me out of not only a period of mourning for a friend’s death, but a long-standing depression as well. My recent experiences with shame (certain people coming to my house when I really wished they hadn’t seen where I lived) I’ve reframed as a gift to bring this issue to light, an opportunity to de-energize yet another deterrent to being on my path.
I invite you to try this yourself. It doesn’t have to take a lot of time or effort; it can simply be a matter of moment to moment choices. Catch yourself if your thoughts slide towards the negative and pick something slightly better feeling. Increase your spiritual practice or do anything that makes you feel better (daily walks, viewing romances instead of action movies, turning to the comedy channel instead of CNN). Realize that you *are* Light yourself, a wondrous and lovely being who has chosen this body to play in this world of dichotomies, and you are at choice every moment how much fun you're going to experience while you're here! Try this consistently for the next couple weeks and see how it changes your world!