Friday, March 8, 2013

You Can't Go Home Again

©2013 Joan M. Newcomb

The past few weeks have been filled with settling my mother's estate and finding places for all her things.  One final act, the day before we left, was to go to all 7 places my mother had lived in DC, and leave a teaspoonful of my mother's remains.

One of the last places we went to was the first place I lived, in Bethesda.  I was shocked to discover they'd recently painted it grey (it had always been dark brown) and chopped the tree down that had been a sapling back in 1959.

We had plans to fly back on March 2nd, but one of our dogs took sick, so we suddenly found ourselves driving across country.  Mercury is retrograde.  It seems fitting, experiencing delays & changes with travel.

It gave me an opportunity to swing by Ann Arbor to sprinkle some of my mother's ashes at the house where she grew up.   I also stopped by Blissfield, MI, where her grandmother Adele Wilber and great grandmother, Doc Wilber's widow, lived, side by side, on Wilber Street.  It's now a parking lot.

My mother's house is now cheap, student housing, painted green.  She would be dismayed.

You can't go home again.  Even if the place hasn't changed, you have.  You're older, you've grown, you are different than you once were.

Your memories aren't necessarily accurate, either.  Things weren't as wonderful as you remember, nor were they as horrible.  They just were what they were.

This isn't a good thing, this isn't a bad thing.  It just is what it is.  Life keeps flowing along.

I was reflecting on this as we left Michigan, headed across Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota, miles of flat, snowcovered farmland.  Nothing to blog about, nothing to photograph.

The brightest thing in the area was my husband's solar powered prayer wheel on our dashboard.  Sending out blessings to all sentient beings.

I've created a slow and monotonous return to Seattle, after nearly two years away.  An opportunity to reflect, to release, to reframe.

You can't go home again.  You are different, home is different.  People step into and out of your timeline.  The dynamics change.  The slides you view reality through dissolve and reconstruct.

It's always an opportunity to reinvent yourself, to try something new, to do something else.  Even if everything seems the same, you can respond differently.  If you resist you create a boulder in the river.  Don't resist, and you flow to a new place.  Don't resist and new energy flows into your life.

We are meant to move forward.  As Beings, we're meant to evolve.  We're not meant to go home as a return to the place of our childhood.  The home we seek isn't in the past, we seek our return to Source.  In actuality, we've never left.  As Essence we're always connected.  As Essence we're beyond Time and Space, only a small portion of us is focused in this physical form.

Physical reality is continually expanding, the past is denser than the present, the future is more diffuse than now.  Physical Energy is raising in vibration to match Spirit.

In actuality, from the perspective of Spirit, the past, present, and future is all happening at once.  The past isn't gone, it's just a vibration we no longer can detect, the way newer computers can't read old floppy discs.  We can't go home to our memories because our energy vibrates in the Now.

Go inward to your Inner Being and you will feel at home at last.

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