Thursday, December 25, 2008


©2008 Joan M. Newcomb

Love is such a multidimensional topic, it's hard to do it justice in a short ezine article, but here goes. I've had four or five times in my life when I've felt Love, with a capital "L". It's something bigger than being passionately 'in love' and more expansive than the love you feel for your children, although that's pretty darn close.

My experience Love with a capital "L" has occurred when I became aligned with Source, but the way that happened was slightly different each time. When I was a teenager it was a result of a strong focus of attention over six months or more and was really only a momentary feeling, a glimmer in the heart that was enormous even if brief.

In 1996 it was something that began happening a month or so before I went to Findhorn for the first time, then overwhelmed with while I was there, and remember feeling the energy withdraw shortly after I boarded the train to London on my way home. I suspect the focalisers had something to do with invoking the group energy that I'd stepped into there.

Again in 2000 I'd started feeling it when beginning study with David Spangler and even though I didn't continue on with his Lorian organization, a door opened and I remained in this space of being in love with God, in love with my life and in love with myself (in that order) for a good nine months. I still had all the same problems in life but was able to come back to center in the midst of them, and had this continuous feeling of well being during that time.

Then I had a mini-break of Love in the beginning of 2006, feeling in love with myself, in love with my life, and in love with God (in that order this time). I felt adorable and special - the most special person sitting in my car, the most special person standing in these shoes, and everyone else was adorable and special as well. In retrospect I see that this is how a parent feels about a beloved child, and how Source feels about it's body-personality creations (us).

I wish I had a formula or even a trick for recreating that feeling again, and for being able to stay in it. This November, after going to a Mark Dunn workshop in Portland, OR, I had a week of feeling like I was having a heart attack. I'd wake in the middle of the night and my chest would be aching. This seems to me that my heart was breaking open (after years of being shut down). Then at the Matrix Seminar in Seattle in December I found myself sinking into my heart and able to remain in interaction with everyone there the whole time. Matrix is a wonderful and warm energy, pretty close to the Love I've experienced, but not exactly. And since the Matrix Seminar I've woken at night with the Matrix/Love and felt it flowing through me to the world. Pretty darn good considering my original Mystery School training was to stay *out* of my heart chakra (in order to be neutral).

The thing is, the Love energy *is* neutral. It's non-judgmental, it's not about being good or perfect and it's not reserved for those who are. I didn't enter into the Love I've described earlier by being good or perfect or disciplined in a specific way. Although I see now there was an unconscious stepping into those states
either by choosing to go to Findhorn, choosing to away from the energy of alcoholism, choosing to give myself fully to Matrix/Busting Loose.

In looking at the bigger picture of this last week (being snowed in here in the Pacific Northwest) I know it's partly been about being in partnership with Source, or in relationship with my Expanded Self. My husband has been stranded in another city due to the snow and my kids have been stuck at their Dad's seven miles away until this morning, so I've spent the last seven days mostly alone. However I didn't spend the whole time in contemplation or reflection; I usually walked the two miles into town each day. But it certainly seems like my Expanded Self removed everyone from my hologram during what should be a family-gathering time of year!

There isn't really a conclusion to this article as the situation is still on-going. I'm still on the verge of whatever the new step is going to be or whatever is beyond the new door that is opening.

So I turn this around to you, who has created reading this ezine whether you subscribe or it was forwarded or you stumbled upon it in my blog. What is the heart-opening opportunity that is coming up for you to step into? What is the choice you can make that gives you over to a more expanded experience? What is it that you can say yes to (or no to, for that matter)? The invitation may be subtle, the suggestion may be in a soft voice, it may be an unconscious tugging to go in a certain direction, or it may be giving in to an urge that defies convention and sensibility.

Go for it, and your life with be transformed beyond belief.

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