What to do when your world collapses ©2014 Joan M. Newcomb
Every one of us will have at least one experience that shatters their reality. Every one of us will have at least one experience that shatters their reality.
You or someone you love will lose their job, be in an accident, get divorced, uncover a horrible truth, be diagnosed with a potentially fatal illness...
It may happen in an instant, or erode over time. Whatever occurs will feel like a door has shut behind you, your path has been irrevocably changed.
How do you move forward? How can you go on?
You may feel numb with grief, you may feel vulnerable, like your skin has been removed. It may be hard to be around people. It may be difficult to eat. You may want to sleep all day. You may not be able to sleep at all.
Energetically, what has happened, is that all your pictures of what reality should look like have been erased. Your identity has been altered. It is very disorienting.
Your perception of yourself as married, employed, healthy, safe, has suddenly shifted to the opposite.
Imagine a house undergoing a remodel. Sometimes it was consciously chosen. other times things blowup and make it happen. You have to reinvent yourself. You have to rebuild your life.
Everyone recovers differently. Everyone has a different time line. You can't have too many expectations of yourself when things first happen. Perhaps you're in crises mode, you have to just get through it.
Numbness can be a protection, it can help you keep things together in the first few days, weeks or months. You get through it moment by moment, and then day by day.
Your self-talk can make it harder - or easier. When my dog ate rat poison, the weekend I was moving, I told myself, "this isn't a crisis, it's an event."
When my mother got Alzheimer's and cancer and I decided it would be inhumane to put her through chemo, I'd find myself saying, "I can't do this, I can't keep going." And then I'd say, "yes you can."
Who is doing the talking?
We are more than our identities, we are more than our storylines. The part of us that is shattered, that is grieving loss, is our personality-self. Within us there is an Essential Self that is bigger than any problem.
Breakdowns are opportunities for us to strengthen, deepen, grow and expand. They allow our True Selves to emerge.
The sun will shine again. Mourn the loss but don't cling to it. You will get through this. The pain will eventually subside.
Look for hidden blessings, and angels in disguise. Even in the bleakest moments, they are there. It may be in a sunny day. It may be kindness from a stranger. Notice how the Universe supports you.
Nothing true is ever lost. Your loved ones still exist in non-physical form. Who you are at your core never goes away. You may feel disconnected as you are going through this experience, but -You will emerge stronger, wiser, and more compassionate.
Know you are loved. Know you are wise. Know you are strong. Know you can get through this.
Most importantly, Know it will get better.